A few weeks ago my husband Scott and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. Our romantic history is long and complex, having started not one decade ago but actually 36 years ago. We met in 7th grade in a cooking class at our junior high school. Love at first sight? Hardly. But it was, in fact, best friendship from the very beginning. Too young for love at age 12, we instead became the best of friends.
As time passed, we eventually tip-toed around an actual romance. Still, the thought of trading in a surefire friendship for a questionable romance was more than the two of us could consider. We moved on to other relationships and eventually both got married and then divorced. We remained in contact through it all, grateful that our solid friendship sustained where other relationships had faltered and failed. Scott came to visit me in Illinois from his home in Florida 11 years ago and from the moment I saw him standing in the doorway of my suburban Chicago home, I knew for certain what had remained only uncertain in the past: We belonged together.
Within five months we were seriously dating. Within 7 months we were engaged. And within 12 months we were finally married. A lifetime of deep friendship had morphed into a love affair and we were finally in the right place, at the right time, and with the right person. It was bliss ten years ago and it is bliss today. We are the couple that some choose to hate…an opinion that we completely understand. Holding hands in the grocery store, dancing in the kitchen, and endless inside jokes are the hallmarks of our life together.
Still, as often happens with married couples, we find that so much of the time we spend together is business oriented. Not just the business that we actually run as a livelihood, but the business of marriage and parenting. You know, those deep conversations that married people have, about getting colonoscopies or which pizza place to order from or who will be picking our daughter up from ballet. Three minute conversations that are 100% practical and goal oriented. This is no way to stay connected to your life partner and ensure that the marriage continues to be rooted in friendship.
As our 10 year anniversary approached, we discussed what we would do to celebrate this big benchmark in our marriage. Maybe a cruise was in order. Or a big celebration with our extended family. Perhaps a major purchase for our household. As we talked and talked about our possibilities we both came to the same conclusion about what we wanted out of our celebration: togetherness. We just wanted extended time together in an attempt not just to keep the love alive, but to revitalize the friendship as well.
What we settled on was a good old fashioned road trip wherein we drove from our home in the Chicago area to Niagara Falls. We were gone for 7 days and tried not to drive for more than 250 miles per day. It was leisurely and lovely. We winded our way through wine country, the shoreline of Lake Erie, Amish country, the Alleghany Forest and stopped at more than a dozen McDonalds’ for coffees and Diet Cokes. And all the while we talked. And talked. And then talked a bit more. We talked about everything from where we should retire to what sort of car we should buy next to where we should go on vacation next summer. We laughed, we made up silly sayings, sang along with songs from the 1970s and adored just being near each other. Corny? Yes. But also true.
As it turns out, ten years into marriage he is still my very best friend. I knew that all along, but sometimes it just takes moments like this to be gently reminded. The very best gift we could possibly give to each other was the gift of our time and our attention. It was, in a word, priceless.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Fax Numbers of the 111th Congress
Let's get involved, folks! Following are the fax numbers of the 111th congress, so there is no reason not to take a moment, gather your thoughts and let Congress know your real opinion of their refusal to tax the wealthy of this country and combine revenue (read: taxes) with tax cuts. Every poll available shows that Americans support this combined philosophy, yet many in Congress are intent on defying those desires.
Sen. Jeff Sessionsﾠ
202-224-3149
Sen. Richard C. Shelbyﾠ
202-224-3416
Rep. Jo Bonnerﾠ
202-225-0562
Rep. Bobby Brightﾠ
202-225-8913
Rep. Michael Rogersﾠ
202-226-8485ﾠ
Rep. Robert Aderholtﾠ
202-225-5587
Rep. Parker Griffithﾠ
202-225-4392
Rep. Spencer Bachusﾠ
202-225-2082
Rep. Artur Davisﾠ
202-226-9567
Sen. Lisa Murkowskiﾠ
202-224-5301
Sen. Mark Begichﾠ
202-224-2354
Rep. Don Youngﾠ
202-225-0425
Sen. Jon Kyl.ﾠ
202-224-2207
Sen. John McCainﾠ
202-228-2862
Rep. Ann Kirkpatrickﾠ
202-226-9739
Rep. Trent Franksﾠ
202-225-6328
Rep. John Shadeggﾠ
202-225-3462
Rep. Ed Pastorﾠ
202-225-1655
Rep. Harry Mitchellﾠ
202-225-3263
Rep. Jeff Flakeﾠ
202-226-4386
Rep. Raul Grijalvaﾠ
202-225-1541
Rep. Gabrielle Giffordsﾠ
202-225-0378
Sen. Blanche Lincolnﾠ
202-228-1371
Sen. Mark Pryorﾠ
202-228-0908ﾠ
Rep. Marion Berryﾠ
202-225-5602
Rep. Vic Snyderﾠ
202-225-5903
Rep. John Boozemanﾠ
202-225-5713
Rep. Mike Rossﾠ
202-225-1314
Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggerﾠ
916-558-3160
Sen. Barbara Boxerﾠ
415-956-6701
Sen. Dianne Feinsteinﾠ
202-228-3954
Rep. Mike Thompsonﾠ
202-225-4335
Rep. Wally Hergerﾠ
202-225-1740
Rep. Dan Lungrenﾠ
202-226-1298
Rep. Tom McClintockﾠ
202-225-5444
Rep. Doris Matsuiﾠ
202-225-0566
Rep. Lynn Woolseyﾠ
202-225-5163
Rep. George Millerﾠ
202-225-5609
Rep. Nancy Pelosiﾠ
202-225-8259
Rep. Barbara Leeﾠ
202-225-9817
Rep. Jerry McNerneyﾠ
202-226-0861
Rep.ﾠJackie Speierﾠ
202-226-4183
Rep. Pete Starkﾠ
202-226-3805
Rep. Anna Eshooﾠ
202-225-8890
Rep. Mike Hondaﾠ
202-225-2699
Rep. Zoe Lofgrenﾠ
202-225-3336
Rep. Sam Farrﾠ
202-225-6791
Rep. Dennis Cardozaﾠ
202-225-0819ﾠ
Rep. George Radanovichﾠ
202-225-3402
Rep. Jim Costaﾠ
202-225-9308
Rep. Devin Nunesﾠ
202-225-3404
Rep. Kevin McCarthyﾠ
202-225-8798
Rep. Lois Cappsﾠ
202-225-5632
Rep. Elton Galleglyﾠ
202-225-1100
Rep. Howard McKeonﾠ
202-225-0683
Rep. David Dreierﾠ
202-225-7018
Rep. Brad Shermanﾠ
202-225-5879
Rep. Howard Bermanﾠ
202-225-3196
Rep. Adam Schiffﾠ
202-225-5828
Rep. Henry Waxmanﾠ
202-225-4099
Rep. Xavier Becerraﾠ
202-225-2202
Rep. Diane Watsonﾠ
202-225-2422
Rep. Lucille Roybal-Allardﾠ
202-226-0350
Rep. Maxine Watersﾠ
202-225-7854
Rep. Jane Harmanﾠ
202-226-7290
Rep. Laura Richardsonﾠ
202-225-7926
Rep. Grace Napolitanoﾠ
202-225-0027
Rep. Linda Sanchezﾠ
202-225-5859ﾠ
Rep. Ed Royceﾠ
202-226-0335
Rep. Jerry Lewisﾠ
202-225-6498
Rep. Gary Millerﾠ
202-226-6962
Rep. Joe Bacaﾠ
202-225-8671
Rep. Ken Calvertﾠ
202-225-2004
Rep. Mary Bonoﾠ
202-225-2961
Rep. Dana Rohrabacherﾠ
202-225-0145
Rep. Loretta Sanchezﾠ
202-225-5859
Rep. John Campbellﾠ
202-225-9177
Rep. Darrell Issaﾠ
202-225-3303
Rep. Brian Bilbrayﾠ
202-225-2558
Rep. Bob Filnerﾠ
202-225-9073
Rep. Duncan Hunterﾠ
202-225-0235
Rep. Susan Davisﾠ
202-225-2948
Sen. Mark Udallﾠ
202-224-6471
Sen. Michael Bennetﾠ
202-224-1933
Rep. Diana DeGetteﾠ
202-225-5657
Rep. Jared Polisﾠ
202-226-7840
Rep. John Salazarﾠ
202-226-9669
Rep. Betsy Markeyﾠ
202-225-5870
Rep. Doug Lambornﾠ
202-225-1942
Rep. Mike Coffmanﾠ
202-226-4623
Rep. Ed Perlmutterﾠ
202-225-5278
Sen. Christopher Doddﾠ
202-224-1083
Sen. Joseph Liebermanﾠ
202-224-9750
Rep. John Larsonﾠ
202-225-1031
Rep. Joe Courtneyﾠ
202-225-4977
Rep. Rosa DeLauroﾠ
202-225-4890
Rep. Jim Himesﾠ
202-225-9629
Rep. Chris Murphyﾠ
202-225-4488
Sen. Tom Carperﾠ
202-228-2190
Rep. Michael Castleﾠ
202-225-2291
Sen. Mel Martinezﾠ
202-224-2237
Sen. Bill Nelsonﾠ
202-228-2183
Rep. Jeff Millerﾠ
202-225-3414
Rep. F. Allen Boydﾠ
202-225-5615
Rep. Corrine Brownﾠ
202-225-2256
Rep. Ander Crenshawﾠ
202-225-2504
Rep. Virginia Brown-Waiteﾠ
202-226-6559ﾠ
Rep. Cliff Stearnsﾠ
202-225-3973
Rep. John Micaﾠ
202-226-0821
Rep. Alan Graysonﾠ
202-225-0999
Rep. Gus Bilirakisﾠ
202-225-4085
Rep. Bill Youngﾠ
202-225-9764
Rep. Kathy Castorﾠ
202-225-5652
Rep. Adam Putnamﾠ
202-225-0585
Rep. Vern Buchananﾠ
202-226-0828
Rep. Connie Mackﾠ
202-225-6820
Rep. Bill Poseyﾠ
202-225-3516
Rep. Tom Rooneyﾠ
202-225-3132
Rep. Kendrick Meekﾠ
202-226-0777
Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinenﾠ
202-225-5620
Rep. Robert Wexlerﾠ
202-225-5974
Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultzﾠ
202-225-8456
Rep. Lincoln Diaz-Balartﾠ
202-225-8576
Rep. Ron Kleinﾠ
202-225-8398
Rep. Alcee Hastingsﾠ
202-225-1171
Rep. Suzanne Kosmasﾠ
202-226-6299
Rep. Mario Diaz-Balartﾠ
202-226-0346
Sen. Saxby Chamblisﾠ
202-224-0103ﾠ
Sen. Johnny Isaksonﾠ
202-228-2090
Rep. Jack Kingstonﾠ
202-226-2269
Rep. Sanford Bishopﾠ
202-225-2203
Rep. Lynn Westmorelandﾠ
202-225-3013ﾠ
Rep. Hank Johnsonﾠ
202-226-0691ﾠ
Rep. John Lewisﾠ
202-225-0351
Rep. Thomas Priceﾠ
202-225-4656
Rep. John Linderﾠ
202-225-4696
Rep. Jim Marshallﾠ
202-225-2515
Rep. Nathan Dealﾠ
202-225-5995
Rep. Paul Brounﾠ
202-225-8272
Rep. Phil Gingreyﾠ
202-225-2944ﾠ
Rep. John Barrowﾠ
202-225-3377
Rep. David Scottﾠ
202-225-4628
Sen. Daniel K. Akakaﾠ
202-224-2126
Sen. Daniel K. Inouyeﾠ
202-224-6747
Rep. Neil Abercrombieﾠ
202-225-4580
Rep. Mazie Hironoﾠ
202-225-4987
Sen. James Rischﾠ
202-228-1067
Sen. Michael Crapoﾠ
202-228-1375
Rep. Walt Minnickﾠ
202-225-3029
Rep. Michael Simpsonﾠ
202-225-8216
Sen. Dick Durbinﾠ
202-228-0400ﾠ
Sen. Roland Burrisﾠ
202-228-5417ﾠ
Rep. Bobby Rushﾠ
202-226-0333ﾠ
Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr.ﾠ
202-225-0899ﾠ
Rep. Daniel Lipinskiﾠ
202-225-1012ﾠ
Rep. Luis Gutirrezﾠ
202-225-7810ﾠ
Rep. Mike Quigleyﾠ
202-225-5603ﾠ
Rep. Peter Roskamﾠ
202-225-1166ﾠ
Rep. Danny Davisﾠ
202-225-5641ﾠ
Rep. Melissa Beanﾠ
202-225-7830ﾠ
Rep. Janice Schakowskyﾠ
202-226-6890ﾠ
Rep. Mark Kirkﾠ
202-225-0837ﾠ
Rep. Deborah Halvorsonﾠ
202-225-3521ﾠ
Rep. Jerry Costelloﾠ
202-225-0285ﾠ
Rep. Judy Biggertﾠ
202-225-9420ﾠ
Rep. Bill Fosterﾠ
202-225-0697ﾠ
Rep. Timothy Johnsonﾠ
202-226-0791ﾠ
Rep. Donald Manzulloﾠ
202-225-5284ﾠ
Rep. Philip Hareﾠ
202-225-5396ﾠ
Rep. Aaron Schockﾠ
202-225-9249ﾠ
Rep. John Shimkusﾠ
202-225-5880
Sen. Evan Bayhﾠ
202-228-1377
Sen. Richard G. Lugarﾠ
202-228-0360
Rep. Peter Viscloskyﾠ
202-225-2493
Rep. Joe Donnellyﾠ
202-225-6798
Rep. Mark Souderﾠ
202-225-3479
Rep. Stephen Buyerﾠ
202-225-2267
Rep. Dan Burtonﾠ
202-225-0016
Rep. Mike Penceﾠ
202-225-3382
Rep. Andr? Carson?
202-225-5633
Rep. Brad Ellsworthﾠ
202-225-3284
Rep. Baron Hillﾠ
202-226-6866
Sen. Chuck Grassleyﾠ
202-224-6020
Sen. Tom Harkinﾠ
202-224-9369
Rep. Bruce Braleyﾠ
202-225-9129
Rep. David Loebsackﾠ
202-226-0757
Rep. Leonard Boswellﾠ
202-225-5608
Rep. Tom Lathamﾠ
202-225-3301
Rep. Steve Kingﾠ
202-225-3193
Sen. Sam Brownbackﾠ
202-228-1265
Sen. Pat Robertsﾠ
202-224-3514
Rep. Jerry Moranﾠ
202-225-5124
Rep. Lynn Jenkinsﾠ
202-225-7986
Rep. Dennis Mooreﾠ
202-225-2807
Rep. Todd Tiahrtﾠ
202-225-3489
Sen. Jim Bunningﾠ
202-228-1373
Sen. Mitch McConnellﾠ
202-224-2499
Rep. Ed Whitfieldﾠ
202-225-3547
Rep. Ron Lewisﾠ
202-225-3501
Rep. John Yarmuthﾠ
202-225-5776
Rep. Geoff Davisﾠ
202-225-0003
Rep. Harold Rogersﾠ
202-225-0940
Rep. Ben Chandlerﾠ
202-225-2122
Sen. Mary Landrieuﾠ
202-224-9735
Sen.ﾠDavid Vitterﾠ
202-228-2577
Rep. Steve Scaliseﾠ
202-226-0386
Rep. William Jeffersonﾠ
202-225-1988
Rep. Charlie Melanconﾠ
202-226-3944
Rep. Jim McCreryﾠ
202-225-8039
Rep. Rodney Alexanderﾠ
202-225-5639ﾠ
Rep. Charles Boustanyﾠ
202-225-5724
Sen. Susan Collinsﾠ
202-224-2693
Sen. Olympia Snoweﾠ
202-224-1946
Rep. Tom Allenﾠ
202-225-5590
Rep. Michael Michaudﾠ
202-225-2943
Sen. Benjamin Cardinﾠ
202-224-1651
Sen. Barbara Mikulskiﾠ
202-224-8858
Rep. Wayne Gilchrestﾠ
202-225-0254
Rep. C. "Dutch" Ruppersbergerﾠ
202-225-3094ﾠ
Rep. John Sarbanesﾠ
202-225-9219
Rep. Donna Edwardsﾠ
202-225-8714
Rep. Steny Hoyerﾠ
202-225-4300
Rep. Roscoe Bartlettﾠ
202-225-2193
Rep. Elijah Cummingsﾠ
202-225-3178
Rep. Chris Van Hollenﾠ
202-225-0375
Gov. Deval Patrickﾠ
202-624-7714
Sen. Edward M. Kennedyﾠ
202-224-2417
Sen. John Kerryﾠ
202-224-8525
Rep. John Olverﾠ
202-226-1224
Rep. Richard Nealﾠ
202-225-8112
Rep. Jim McGovernﾠ
202-225-5759
Rep. Barney Frankﾠ
202-225-0182
Rep. Niki Tsongasﾠ
202-226-0771
Rep. John Tierneyﾠ
202-225-5915
Rep. Edward Markeyﾠ
202-226-0092
Rep. Michael Capuanoﾠ
202-225-9322
Rep. Stephen Lynchﾠ
202-225-3984
Rep. William Delahuntﾠ
202-225-5658
Gov. Jennifer Granholmﾠ
517-335-6863
Sen. Carl Levinﾠ
202-224-1388
Sen. Debbie Stabenowﾠ
202-228-0325
Rep. Bart Stupakﾠ
202-225-4744
Rep. Peter Hoekstraﾠ
202-226-0779
Rep. Vernon Ehlersﾠ
202-225-5144
Rep. David Campﾠ
202-225-9679
Rep. Dale Kildeeﾠ
202-225-6393
Rep. Fred Uptonﾠ
202-225-4986
Rep. Mark Schauerﾠ
202-225-6281
Rep. Mike Rogersﾠ
202-225-5820
Rep. Gary Petersﾠ
202-226-2356
Rep. Candice Millerﾠ
202-226-1169
Rep. Thad McCotterﾠ
202-225-2667
Rep. Sander Levinﾠ
202-226-1033
Rep. Carolyn Kilpatrickﾠ
202-225-5730
Rep. John Conyersﾠ
202-225-0072
Rep. John Dingellﾠ
202-226-0371
Sen. Amy Klobucharﾠ
202-228-2186
Sen. Al Franken
202-224-1152
Rep. Tim Walzﾠ
202-225-3433
Rep. John Klineﾠ
202-225-2595
Rep. Erik Paulsenﾠ
202-225-6351
Rep. Betty McCollumﾠ
202-225-1968
Rep. Keith Ellisonﾠ
202-225-4886
Rep. Michelle Bachmanﾠ
202-225-6475
Rep. Collin Petersonﾠ
202-225-1593
Rep. James Oberstarﾠ
202-225-6211
Sen. Thad Cochranﾠ
202-224-9450
Sen. Roger Wickerﾠ
202-228-0378
Rep. Travis Childersﾠ
662-844-5437
Rep. Bennie Thompsonﾠ
202-225-5898
Rep. Gregg Harperﾠ
202-225-5797
Rep. Gene Taylorﾠ
202-225-7074
Sen. Kit Bondﾠ
202-224-8149
Sen. Claire McCaskillﾠ
202-228-6326
Rep. William Clay, Jr.
202-226-3717
Rep. Todd Akinﾠ
202-225-2563
Rep. Russ Carnahanﾠ
202-225-7452
Rep. Ike Skeltonﾠ
202-225-2876
Rep. Emanuel Cleaverﾠ
202-225-4403
Rep. Sam Gravesﾠ
202-225-8221
Rep. Roy Bluntﾠ
202-225-5604
Rep. Jo Ann Emersonﾠ
202-226-0326
Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyerﾠ
202-225-5712
Sen. Max Baucusﾠ
202-224-9412
Sen. Jon Testerﾠ
202-224-8594
Rep. Dennis Rehbergﾠ
202-225-5687
Gov. Dave Heinemanﾠ
402-471-6031
Sen. Mike Johannsﾠ
202-224-5213
Sen. Ben Nelsonﾠ
202-228-0012
Rep. Jeff Fortenberryﾠ
202-225-5686
Rep. Lee Terryﾠ
202-226-5452
Rep. Adrian Smithﾠ
202-225-0207
Sen. John Ensignﾠ
202-228-2193
Sen. Harry Reidﾠ
202-224-7327
Rep. Shelley Berkleyﾠ
202-225-3119
Rep. Dean Hellerﾠ
202-225-5679
Rep. Dina Titusﾠ
202-225-2185
Sen. Judd Greggﾠ
202-224-4952
Sen. Jeanne Shaheenﾠ
202-228-4131
Rep. Carol Shea-Porterﾠ
202-225-5822
Rep. Paul Hodesﾠ
202-225-2946
Sen. Robert Menendezﾠ
202-228-2197
Sen. Frank Lautenbergﾠ
202-228-4054
Rep. Robert Andrewsﾠ
202-225-6583
Rep. Frank LoBiondoﾠ
202-225-3318
Rep. John Alderﾠ
202-225-0778
Rep. Christopher Smithﾠ
202-225-7768
Rep. Scott Garrettﾠ
202-225-9048
Rep. Frank Palloneﾠ
202-225-9665
Rep. Leonard Lanceﾠ
202-225-9460
Rep. William Pascrellﾠ
202-225-5751
Rep. Steven Rothmanﾠ
202-225-5851
Rep. Donald Payneﾠ
202-225-4160
Rep. Rodney Frelinghuysenﾠ
202-225-3186
Rep. Rush Holtﾠ
202-225-6025
Rep. Albio Siresﾠ
202-226-0792
Sen. Jeff Bingamanﾠ
202-224-2852
Sen. Tom Udallﾠ
202-228-3261
Rep. Martin Heinrich
202-225-4975
Rep. Harry Teagueﾠ
202-225-9599
Rep. Ben Lujanﾠ
202-226-1528
Sen. Charles Schumerﾠ
202-228-3027
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrandﾠ
202-228-0282
Rep. Tim Bishopﾠ
202-225-3143
Rep. Steven Israelﾠ
202-225-4669
Rep. Peter Kingﾠ
202-226-2279
Rep. Carolyn McCarthyﾠ
202-225-5758
Rep. Gary Ackermanﾠ
202-225-1589
Rep. Gregory Meeksﾠ
202-226-4169
Rep. Joseph Crowleyﾠ
202-225-1909
Rep. Jerrold Nadlerﾠ
202-225-6923
Rep. Anthony Weinerﾠ
202-226-7243
Rep. Edolphus Townsﾠ
202-225-1018
Rep. Yvette Clarkeﾠ
202-226-0112
Rep. Nydia Velazquezﾠ
202-226-0327
Rep. Michael McMahonﾠ
202-225-1272
Rep. Carolyn Maloneyﾠ
202-225-4709
Rep. Charles Rangelﾠ
202-226-0816ﾠ
Rep. Jose Serranoﾠ
202-225-6001
Rep. Eliot Engelﾠ
202-225-5513
Rep. Nita Loweyﾠ
202-225-0546
Rep. John Hallﾠ
202-225-3289
Rep. Scott Murphyﾠ
202-225-1168
Rep. Paul Tonkoﾠ
202-225-5077
Rep. Maurice Hincheyﾠ
202-226-0774
Rep. John McHughﾠ
202-226-0621
Rep. Michael Arcuriﾠ
202-225-1891
Rep. Dan Maffeiﾠ
202-225-4042
Rep. Christopher Leeﾠ
202-225-5910
Rep. Brian Higginsﾠ
202-226-0347
Rep. Louise Slaughterﾠ
202-225-7822
Rep. Eric Massaﾠ
202-226-6599
Sen. Richard Burrﾠ
202-228-2981
Sen. Kay Haganﾠ
202-224-1100
Rep. G.K. Butterfieldﾠ
202-225-3354
Rep. Bob Etheridgeﾠ
202-225-5662
Rep. Walter Jonesﾠ
202-225-3286
Rep. David Priceﾠ
202-225-2014
Rep. Virginia Foxxﾠ
202-225-2995
Rep. Howard Cobleﾠ
202-225-8611
Rep. Mike McIntyreﾠ
202-225-5773
Rep. Larry Kisselﾠ
202-225-4036
Rep. Sue Myrickﾠ
202-225-3389
Rep. Patrick McHenryﾠ
202-225-0316
Rep. Heath Shulerﾠ
202-226-6422
Rep. Melvin Wattﾠ
202-225-1512
Rep. Brad Millerﾠ
202-225-0181
Sen. Kent Conradﾠ
202-224-7776
Sen. Byron L. Dorganﾠ
202-224-1193
Rep. Earl Pomeroyﾠ
202-226-0893
Sen. Sherrod Brownﾠ
202-224-6519
Sen. George Voinovichﾠ
202-228-1382
Rep. Steve Chabotﾠ
202-225-3012
Rep. Jean Schmidtﾠ
202-225-1992
Rep. Michael Turnerﾠ
202-226-1443
Rep. Jim Jordanﾠ
202-226-0577
Rep. Bob Lattaﾠ
202-225-1985ﾠ
Rep. Charlie Wilsonﾠ
202-225-5907
Rep. David Hobsonﾠ
202-225-1984
Rep. John Boehnerﾠ
202-225-0704
Rep. Marcy Kapturﾠ
202-225-7711
Rep. Dennis Kucinichﾠ
202-225-5745
Rep. Marcia Fudgeﾠ
202-225-1339
Rep. Pat Tiberiﾠ
202-226-4523
Rep. Betty Suttonﾠ
202-225-2266
Rep. Steven LaTouretteﾠ
202-225-3307
Rep. Deborah Pryceﾠ
202-225-3529
Rep. Ralph Regulaﾠ
202-225-3059
Rep. Tim Ryanﾠ
202-225-3719
Rep. Zack Spaceﾠ
202-225-3394
Gov. Brad Henryﾠ
405-521-3353
Sen. James Inhofeﾠ
202-228-0380
Sen. Tom Coburnﾠ
202-224-6008
Rep. John Sullivanﾠ
202 225-9187
Rep. Dan Borenﾠ
202-225-3038
Rep. Frank Lucasﾠ
202-225-8698
Rep. Tom Coleﾠ
202-225-3512
Rep. Mary Fallinﾠ
202-226-1463
Sen. Jeff Merkleyﾠ
202-228-3997
Sen. Ron Wydenﾠ
202-228-2717
Rep. David Wuﾠ
202-225-9497
Rep. Greg Waldenﾠ
202-225-5774
Rep. Earl Blumenauerﾠ
202-225-8941
Rep. Peter DeFazioﾠ
202-225-0032
Rep. Darlene Hooleyﾠ
202-225-5699
Sen. Robert Casey, Jr.ﾠ
202-228-0604
Sen. Arlen Specterﾠ
202-228-1229
Rep. Robert Bradyﾠ
202-225-0088
Rep. Chaka Fattahﾠ
202-225-5392
Rep. Kathy Dahlkemperﾠ
202-225-3103
Rep. Jason Altmireﾠ
202-226-2274
Rep. John Petersonﾠ
202-225-5796
Rep. Jim Gerlachﾠ
202-225-8440
Rep. Joe Sestakﾠ
202-225-0280
Rep. Patrick Murphyﾠ
202-225-9511
Rep. Bill Shusterﾠ
202-225-2486
Rep. Chris Carneyﾠ
202-225-9594
Rep. Paul Kanjorskiﾠ
202-225-0764
Rep. John Murthaﾠ
202-225-5709
Rep. Allyson Schwartzﾠ
202-226-0611
Rep. Michael Doyleﾠ
202-225-3084
Rep. Charlie Dentﾠ
202-226-0778
Rep. Joseph Pittsﾠ
202-225-2013
Rep. Tim Holdenﾠ
202-226-0996
Rep. Tim Murphyﾠ
202-225-1844
Rep. Todd Plattsﾠ
202-226-1000
Sen. Sheldon Whitehouseﾠ
202-228-2853
Sen. Jack Reedﾠ
202-224-4680
Rep. Patrick Kennedyﾠ
202-225-3290
Rep. James Langevinﾠ
202-225-5976
Sen. Jim DeMintﾠ
202-228-5143
Sen. Lindsey Grahamﾠ
202-224-3808
Rep. Henry Brownﾠ
202-225-3407
Rep. Joe Wilsonﾠ
202-225-2455
Rep. Gresham Barrettﾠ
202-225-3216
Rep. Bob Inglisﾠ
202-226-1177
Rep. John Sprattﾠ
202-225-0464
Rep. James Clyburnﾠ
202-225-2313
Sen. John Thuneﾠ
202-228-5429
Sen. Tim Johnsonﾠ
202-228-5765
Rep. Stephanie Hersethﾠ
202-225-5823
Sen. Bob Corkerﾠ
202-228-1264
Sen. Lamar Alexanderﾠ
202-228-3398
Rep. Phil Roeﾠ
202-225-5714
Rep. John Duncan, Jr.ﾠ
202-225-6440
Rep. Zach Wampﾠ
202-225-3494
Rep. Lincoln Davisﾠ
202-226-5172
Rep. Jim Cooperﾠ
202-226-1035
Rep. Bart Gordonﾠ
202-225-6887
Rep. Marsha Blackburnﾠ
202-225-3004
Rep. John Tannerﾠ
202-225-1765
Rep. Steve Cohenﾠ
202-225-5663
Sen. John Cornynﾠ
202-228-2856
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchisonﾠ
202-224-0776
Rep. Louis Gohmertﾠ
202-225-5866
Rep. Ted Poeﾠ
202-225-5547
Rep. Sam Johnsonﾠ
202-225-1485
Rep. Ralph Hallﾠ
202-225-3332ﾠ
Rep. Jeb Hensarlingﾠ
202-226-4888
Rep. Joe Bartonﾠ
202-225-3052
Rep. John Culbersonﾠ
202-225-4381
Rep. Kevin Bradyﾠ
202-225-5524
Rep. Al Greenﾠ
202-225-2947
Rep. Michael McCaulﾠ
202-225-5955
Rep. Mike Conawayﾠ
202-225-1783
Rep. Kay Grangerﾠ
202-225-5683
Rep. "Mac" Thornberryﾠ
202-225-3486
Rep. Ron Paulﾠ
202-226-6553
Rep. Ruben Hinojosaﾠ
202-225-5688
Rep. Silvestre Reyesﾠ
202-225-2016
Rep. Chet Edwardsﾠ
202-225-2234
Rep. Sheila Jackson-Leeﾠ
202-225-3317
Rep. Randy Neugebauerﾠ
202-225-9615
Rep. Charles Gonzalezﾠ
202-225-1915
Rep. Lamar Smithﾠ
202-225-8628
Rep. Pete Olsonﾠ
202-225-5241
Rep. Ciro Rodriguezﾠ
202-225-2237
Rep. Kenny Marchantﾠ
202-225-0074
Rep. Lloyd Doggettﾠ
202-225-2947
Rep. Michael Burgessﾠ
202-225-2919
Rep. Solomon Ortizﾠ
202-226-1134
Rep. Enrique Cuellarﾠ
202-225-1641
Rep. Gene Greenﾠ
202-225-9903
Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnsonﾠ
202-226-1477
Rep. John Carterﾠ
202-225-5886
Rep. Pete Sessionsﾠ
202-225-5878
Sen. Robert F. Bennettﾠ
202-228-1168
Sen. Orrin G. Hatchﾠ
202-224-6331
Rep. Rob Bishopﾠ
202-225-5857
Rep. Jim Mathesonﾠ
202-225-5638
Rep. Chris Cannonﾠ
202-225-5629
Sen. Bernie Sandersﾠ
202-228-0776
Sen. Patrick J. Leahyﾠ
202-224-3479
Rep. Peter Welchﾠ
202-225-6790
Sen. Jim Webbﾠ
202-228-6363
Sen. Mark Warnerﾠ
202-224-6295
Rep. Robert Wittmanﾠ
202-225-4382
Rep. Glen Nyeﾠ
202-225-4218
Rep. Robert Scottﾠ
202-225-8354
Rep. Randy Forbesﾠ
202-226-1170
Rep. Thomas Perrielloﾠ
202-225-5681
Rep. Bob Goodlatteﾠ
202-225-9681
Rep. Eric Cantorﾠ
202-225-0011
Rep. Jim Moranﾠ
202-225-0017
Rep. Rick Boucherﾠ
202-225-0442
Rep. Frank Wolfﾠ
202-225-0437
Rep. Gerald Connollyﾠ
202-225-3071
Sen. Maria Cantwellﾠ
202-228-0514
Sen. Patty Murrayﾠ
202-224-0238
Rep. Jay Insleeﾠ
202-226-1606
Rep. Rick Larsenﾠ
202-225-4420
Rep. Brian Bairdﾠ
202-225-3478
Rep. Doc Hastingsﾠ
202-225-3251
Rep. Cathy McMorrisﾠ
202-225-3392
Rep. Norman Dicksﾠ
202-226-1176
Rep. Jim McDermottﾠ
202-225-6197
Rep. Dave Reichertﾠ
202-225-4282
Rep. Adam Smithﾠ
202-225-5893
Sen. Robert C. Byrdﾠ
202-228-0002
Sen. John D. Rockefeller, IVﾠ
202-224-7665
Rep. Alan Mollohanﾠ
202-225-7564
Rep. Shelley Capitoﾠ
202-225-7856
Rep. Nick Rahallﾠ
202-225-9061
Sen. Russell D. Feingoldﾠ
202-224-2725
Sen. Herb Kohlﾠ
202-224-9787
Rep. Paul Ryanﾠ
202-225-3393
Rep. Tammy Baldwinﾠ
202-225-6942
Rep. Ron Kindﾠ
202-225-5739
Rep. Gwen Mooreﾠ
202-225-8135
Rep. James Sensenbrennerﾠ
202-225-3190
Rep. Tom Petriﾠ
202-225-2356
Rep. David Obeyﾠ
715-842-4488
Rep. Steve Kaganﾠ
202-225-5729
Sen. Mike Enziﾠ
202-228-0359ﾠ
Sen. John Barrassoﾠ
202-224-1724
Rep. Barbara Cubinﾠ
202-225-3057
Delegate Eni Faleomavaegaﾠ
202-225-8757
Delegate Eleanor Holmes Nortonﾠ
202-225-3002
Delegate Madeilene Bordalloﾠ
202-226-0341
Delegate Pedro Pierluisiﾠ
202-225-2154
Delegate Donna Christensenﾠ
202-225-5517
.
Sen. Jeff Sessionsﾠ
202-224-3149
Sen. Richard C. Shelbyﾠ
202-224-3416
Rep. Jo Bonnerﾠ
202-225-0562
Rep. Bobby Brightﾠ
202-225-8913
Rep. Michael Rogersﾠ
202-226-8485ﾠ
Rep. Robert Aderholtﾠ
202-225-5587
Rep. Parker Griffithﾠ
202-225-4392
Rep. Spencer Bachusﾠ
202-225-2082
Rep. Artur Davisﾠ
202-226-9567
Sen. Lisa Murkowskiﾠ
202-224-5301
Sen. Mark Begichﾠ
202-224-2354
Rep. Don Youngﾠ
202-225-0425
Sen. Jon Kyl.ﾠ
202-224-2207
Sen. John McCainﾠ
202-228-2862
Rep. Ann Kirkpatrickﾠ
202-226-9739
Rep. Trent Franksﾠ
202-225-6328
Rep. John Shadeggﾠ
202-225-3462
Rep. Ed Pastorﾠ
202-225-1655
Rep. Harry Mitchellﾠ
202-225-3263
Rep. Jeff Flakeﾠ
202-226-4386
Rep. Raul Grijalvaﾠ
202-225-1541
Rep. Gabrielle Giffordsﾠ
202-225-0378
Sen. Blanche Lincolnﾠ
202-228-1371
Sen. Mark Pryorﾠ
202-228-0908ﾠ
Rep. Marion Berryﾠ
202-225-5602
Rep. Vic Snyderﾠ
202-225-5903
Rep. John Boozemanﾠ
202-225-5713
Rep. Mike Rossﾠ
202-225-1314
Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggerﾠ
916-558-3160
Sen. Barbara Boxerﾠ
415-956-6701
Sen. Dianne Feinsteinﾠ
202-228-3954
Rep. Mike Thompsonﾠ
202-225-4335
Rep. Wally Hergerﾠ
202-225-1740
Rep. Dan Lungrenﾠ
202-226-1298
Rep. Tom McClintockﾠ
202-225-5444
Rep. Doris Matsuiﾠ
202-225-0566
Rep. Lynn Woolseyﾠ
202-225-5163
Rep. George Millerﾠ
202-225-5609
Rep. Nancy Pelosiﾠ
202-225-8259
Rep. Barbara Leeﾠ
202-225-9817
Rep. Jerry McNerneyﾠ
202-226-0861
Rep.ﾠJackie Speierﾠ
202-226-4183
Rep. Pete Starkﾠ
202-226-3805
Rep. Anna Eshooﾠ
202-225-8890
Rep. Mike Hondaﾠ
202-225-2699
Rep. Zoe Lofgrenﾠ
202-225-3336
Rep. Sam Farrﾠ
202-225-6791
Rep. Dennis Cardozaﾠ
202-225-0819ﾠ
Rep. George Radanovichﾠ
202-225-3402
Rep. Jim Costaﾠ
202-225-9308
Rep. Devin Nunesﾠ
202-225-3404
Rep. Kevin McCarthyﾠ
202-225-8798
Rep. Lois Cappsﾠ
202-225-5632
Rep. Elton Galleglyﾠ
202-225-1100
Rep. Howard McKeonﾠ
202-225-0683
Rep. David Dreierﾠ
202-225-7018
Rep. Brad Shermanﾠ
202-225-5879
Rep. Howard Bermanﾠ
202-225-3196
Rep. Adam Schiffﾠ
202-225-5828
Rep. Henry Waxmanﾠ
202-225-4099
Rep. Xavier Becerraﾠ
202-225-2202
Rep. Diane Watsonﾠ
202-225-2422
Rep. Lucille Roybal-Allardﾠ
202-226-0350
Rep. Maxine Watersﾠ
202-225-7854
Rep. Jane Harmanﾠ
202-226-7290
Rep. Laura Richardsonﾠ
202-225-7926
Rep. Grace Napolitanoﾠ
202-225-0027
Rep. Linda Sanchezﾠ
202-225-5859ﾠ
Rep. Ed Royceﾠ
202-226-0335
Rep. Jerry Lewisﾠ
202-225-6498
Rep. Gary Millerﾠ
202-226-6962
Rep. Joe Bacaﾠ
202-225-8671
Rep. Ken Calvertﾠ
202-225-2004
Rep. Mary Bonoﾠ
202-225-2961
Rep. Dana Rohrabacherﾠ
202-225-0145
Rep. Loretta Sanchezﾠ
202-225-5859
Rep. John Campbellﾠ
202-225-9177
Rep. Darrell Issaﾠ
202-225-3303
Rep. Brian Bilbrayﾠ
202-225-2558
Rep. Bob Filnerﾠ
202-225-9073
Rep. Duncan Hunterﾠ
202-225-0235
Rep. Susan Davisﾠ
202-225-2948
Sen. Mark Udallﾠ
202-224-6471
Sen. Michael Bennetﾠ
202-224-1933
Rep. Diana DeGetteﾠ
202-225-5657
Rep. Jared Polisﾠ
202-226-7840
Rep. John Salazarﾠ
202-226-9669
Rep. Betsy Markeyﾠ
202-225-5870
Rep. Doug Lambornﾠ
202-225-1942
Rep. Mike Coffmanﾠ
202-226-4623
Rep. Ed Perlmutterﾠ
202-225-5278
Sen. Christopher Doddﾠ
202-224-1083
Sen. Joseph Liebermanﾠ
202-224-9750
Rep. John Larsonﾠ
202-225-1031
Rep. Joe Courtneyﾠ
202-225-4977
Rep. Rosa DeLauroﾠ
202-225-4890
Rep. Jim Himesﾠ
202-225-9629
Rep. Chris Murphyﾠ
202-225-4488
Sen. Tom Carperﾠ
202-228-2190
Rep. Michael Castleﾠ
202-225-2291
Sen. Mel Martinezﾠ
202-224-2237
Sen. Bill Nelsonﾠ
202-228-2183
Rep. Jeff Millerﾠ
202-225-3414
Rep. F. Allen Boydﾠ
202-225-5615
Rep. Corrine Brownﾠ
202-225-2256
Rep. Ander Crenshawﾠ
202-225-2504
Rep. Virginia Brown-Waiteﾠ
202-226-6559ﾠ
Rep. Cliff Stearnsﾠ
202-225-3973
Rep. John Micaﾠ
202-226-0821
Rep. Alan Graysonﾠ
202-225-0999
Rep. Gus Bilirakisﾠ
202-225-4085
Rep. Bill Youngﾠ
202-225-9764
Rep. Kathy Castorﾠ
202-225-5652
Rep. Adam Putnamﾠ
202-225-0585
Rep. Vern Buchananﾠ
202-226-0828
Rep. Connie Mackﾠ
202-225-6820
Rep. Bill Poseyﾠ
202-225-3516
Rep. Tom Rooneyﾠ
202-225-3132
Rep. Kendrick Meekﾠ
202-226-0777
Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinenﾠ
202-225-5620
Rep. Robert Wexlerﾠ
202-225-5974
Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultzﾠ
202-225-8456
Rep. Lincoln Diaz-Balartﾠ
202-225-8576
Rep. Ron Kleinﾠ
202-225-8398
Rep. Alcee Hastingsﾠ
202-225-1171
Rep. Suzanne Kosmasﾠ
202-226-6299
Rep. Mario Diaz-Balartﾠ
202-226-0346
Sen. Saxby Chamblisﾠ
202-224-0103ﾠ
Sen. Johnny Isaksonﾠ
202-228-2090
Rep. Jack Kingstonﾠ
202-226-2269
Rep. Sanford Bishopﾠ
202-225-2203
Rep. Lynn Westmorelandﾠ
202-225-3013ﾠ
Rep. Hank Johnsonﾠ
202-226-0691ﾠ
Rep. John Lewisﾠ
202-225-0351
Rep. Thomas Priceﾠ
202-225-4656
Rep. John Linderﾠ
202-225-4696
Rep. Jim Marshallﾠ
202-225-2515
Rep. Nathan Dealﾠ
202-225-5995
Rep. Paul Brounﾠ
202-225-8272
Rep. Phil Gingreyﾠ
202-225-2944ﾠ
Rep. John Barrowﾠ
202-225-3377
Rep. David Scottﾠ
202-225-4628
Sen. Daniel K. Akakaﾠ
202-224-2126
Sen. Daniel K. Inouyeﾠ
202-224-6747
Rep. Neil Abercrombieﾠ
202-225-4580
Rep. Mazie Hironoﾠ
202-225-4987
Sen. James Rischﾠ
202-228-1067
Sen. Michael Crapoﾠ
202-228-1375
Rep. Walt Minnickﾠ
202-225-3029
Rep. Michael Simpsonﾠ
202-225-8216
Sen. Dick Durbinﾠ
202-228-0400ﾠ
Sen. Roland Burrisﾠ
202-228-5417ﾠ
Rep. Bobby Rushﾠ
202-226-0333ﾠ
Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr.ﾠ
202-225-0899ﾠ
Rep. Daniel Lipinskiﾠ
202-225-1012ﾠ
Rep. Luis Gutirrezﾠ
202-225-7810ﾠ
Rep. Mike Quigleyﾠ
202-225-5603ﾠ
Rep. Peter Roskamﾠ
202-225-1166ﾠ
Rep. Danny Davisﾠ
202-225-5641ﾠ
Rep. Melissa Beanﾠ
202-225-7830ﾠ
Rep. Janice Schakowskyﾠ
202-226-6890ﾠ
Rep. Mark Kirkﾠ
202-225-0837ﾠ
Rep. Deborah Halvorsonﾠ
202-225-3521ﾠ
Rep. Jerry Costelloﾠ
202-225-0285ﾠ
Rep. Judy Biggertﾠ
202-225-9420ﾠ
Rep. Bill Fosterﾠ
202-225-0697ﾠ
Rep. Timothy Johnsonﾠ
202-226-0791ﾠ
Rep. Donald Manzulloﾠ
202-225-5284ﾠ
Rep. Philip Hareﾠ
202-225-5396ﾠ
Rep. Aaron Schockﾠ
202-225-9249ﾠ
Rep. John Shimkusﾠ
202-225-5880
Sen. Evan Bayhﾠ
202-228-1377
Sen. Richard G. Lugarﾠ
202-228-0360
Rep. Peter Viscloskyﾠ
202-225-2493
Rep. Joe Donnellyﾠ
202-225-6798
Rep. Mark Souderﾠ
202-225-3479
Rep. Stephen Buyerﾠ
202-225-2267
Rep. Dan Burtonﾠ
202-225-0016
Rep. Mike Penceﾠ
202-225-3382
Rep. Andr? Carson?
202-225-5633
Rep. Brad Ellsworthﾠ
202-225-3284
Rep. Baron Hillﾠ
202-226-6866
Sen. Chuck Grassleyﾠ
202-224-6020
Sen. Tom Harkinﾠ
202-224-9369
Rep. Bruce Braleyﾠ
202-225-9129
Rep. David Loebsackﾠ
202-226-0757
Rep. Leonard Boswellﾠ
202-225-5608
Rep. Tom Lathamﾠ
202-225-3301
Rep. Steve Kingﾠ
202-225-3193
Sen. Sam Brownbackﾠ
202-228-1265
Sen. Pat Robertsﾠ
202-224-3514
Rep. Jerry Moranﾠ
202-225-5124
Rep. Lynn Jenkinsﾠ
202-225-7986
Rep. Dennis Mooreﾠ
202-225-2807
Rep. Todd Tiahrtﾠ
202-225-3489
Sen. Jim Bunningﾠ
202-228-1373
Sen. Mitch McConnellﾠ
202-224-2499
Rep. Ed Whitfieldﾠ
202-225-3547
Rep. Ron Lewisﾠ
202-225-3501
Rep. John Yarmuthﾠ
202-225-5776
Rep. Geoff Davisﾠ
202-225-0003
Rep. Harold Rogersﾠ
202-225-0940
Rep. Ben Chandlerﾠ
202-225-2122
Sen. Mary Landrieuﾠ
202-224-9735
Sen.ﾠDavid Vitterﾠ
202-228-2577
Rep. Steve Scaliseﾠ
202-226-0386
Rep. William Jeffersonﾠ
202-225-1988
Rep. Charlie Melanconﾠ
202-226-3944
Rep. Jim McCreryﾠ
202-225-8039
Rep. Rodney Alexanderﾠ
202-225-5639ﾠ
Rep. Charles Boustanyﾠ
202-225-5724
Sen. Susan Collinsﾠ
202-224-2693
Sen. Olympia Snoweﾠ
202-224-1946
Rep. Tom Allenﾠ
202-225-5590
Rep. Michael Michaudﾠ
202-225-2943
Sen. Benjamin Cardinﾠ
202-224-1651
Sen. Barbara Mikulskiﾠ
202-224-8858
Rep. Wayne Gilchrestﾠ
202-225-0254
Rep. C. "Dutch" Ruppersbergerﾠ
202-225-3094ﾠ
Rep. John Sarbanesﾠ
202-225-9219
Rep. Donna Edwardsﾠ
202-225-8714
Rep. Steny Hoyerﾠ
202-225-4300
Rep. Roscoe Bartlettﾠ
202-225-2193
Rep. Elijah Cummingsﾠ
202-225-3178
Rep. Chris Van Hollenﾠ
202-225-0375
Gov. Deval Patrickﾠ
202-624-7714
Sen. Edward M. Kennedyﾠ
202-224-2417
Sen. John Kerryﾠ
202-224-8525
Rep. John Olverﾠ
202-226-1224
Rep. Richard Nealﾠ
202-225-8112
Rep. Jim McGovernﾠ
202-225-5759
Rep. Barney Frankﾠ
202-225-0182
Rep. Niki Tsongasﾠ
202-226-0771
Rep. John Tierneyﾠ
202-225-5915
Rep. Edward Markeyﾠ
202-226-0092
Rep. Michael Capuanoﾠ
202-225-9322
Rep. Stephen Lynchﾠ
202-225-3984
Rep. William Delahuntﾠ
202-225-5658
Gov. Jennifer Granholmﾠ
517-335-6863
Sen. Carl Levinﾠ
202-224-1388
Sen. Debbie Stabenowﾠ
202-228-0325
Rep. Bart Stupakﾠ
202-225-4744
Rep. Peter Hoekstraﾠ
202-226-0779
Rep. Vernon Ehlersﾠ
202-225-5144
Rep. David Campﾠ
202-225-9679
Rep. Dale Kildeeﾠ
202-225-6393
Rep. Fred Uptonﾠ
202-225-4986
Rep. Mark Schauerﾠ
202-225-6281
Rep. Mike Rogersﾠ
202-225-5820
Rep. Gary Petersﾠ
202-226-2356
Rep. Candice Millerﾠ
202-226-1169
Rep. Thad McCotterﾠ
202-225-2667
Rep. Sander Levinﾠ
202-226-1033
Rep. Carolyn Kilpatrickﾠ
202-225-5730
Rep. John Conyersﾠ
202-225-0072
Rep. John Dingellﾠ
202-226-0371
Sen. Amy Klobucharﾠ
202-228-2186
Sen. Al Franken
202-224-1152
Rep. Tim Walzﾠ
202-225-3433
Rep. John Klineﾠ
202-225-2595
Rep. Erik Paulsenﾠ
202-225-6351
Rep. Betty McCollumﾠ
202-225-1968
Rep. Keith Ellisonﾠ
202-225-4886
Rep. Michelle Bachmanﾠ
202-225-6475
Rep. Collin Petersonﾠ
202-225-1593
Rep. James Oberstarﾠ
202-225-6211
Sen. Thad Cochranﾠ
202-224-9450
Sen. Roger Wickerﾠ
202-228-0378
Rep. Travis Childersﾠ
662-844-5437
Rep. Bennie Thompsonﾠ
202-225-5898
Rep. Gregg Harperﾠ
202-225-5797
Rep. Gene Taylorﾠ
202-225-7074
Sen. Kit Bondﾠ
202-224-8149
Sen. Claire McCaskillﾠ
202-228-6326
Rep. William Clay, Jr.
202-226-3717
Rep. Todd Akinﾠ
202-225-2563
Rep. Russ Carnahanﾠ
202-225-7452
Rep. Ike Skeltonﾠ
202-225-2876
Rep. Emanuel Cleaverﾠ
202-225-4403
Rep. Sam Gravesﾠ
202-225-8221
Rep. Roy Bluntﾠ
202-225-5604
Rep. Jo Ann Emersonﾠ
202-226-0326
Rep. Blaine Luetkemeyerﾠ
202-225-5712
Sen. Max Baucusﾠ
202-224-9412
Sen. Jon Testerﾠ
202-224-8594
Rep. Dennis Rehbergﾠ
202-225-5687
Gov. Dave Heinemanﾠ
402-471-6031
Sen. Mike Johannsﾠ
202-224-5213
Sen. Ben Nelsonﾠ
202-228-0012
Rep. Jeff Fortenberryﾠ
202-225-5686
Rep. Lee Terryﾠ
202-226-5452
Rep. Adrian Smithﾠ
202-225-0207
Sen. John Ensignﾠ
202-228-2193
Sen. Harry Reidﾠ
202-224-7327
Rep. Shelley Berkleyﾠ
202-225-3119
Rep. Dean Hellerﾠ
202-225-5679
Rep. Dina Titusﾠ
202-225-2185
Sen. Judd Greggﾠ
202-224-4952
Sen. Jeanne Shaheenﾠ
202-228-4131
Rep. Carol Shea-Porterﾠ
202-225-5822
Rep. Paul Hodesﾠ
202-225-2946
Sen. Robert Menendezﾠ
202-228-2197
Sen. Frank Lautenbergﾠ
202-228-4054
Rep. Robert Andrewsﾠ
202-225-6583
Rep. Frank LoBiondoﾠ
202-225-3318
Rep. John Alderﾠ
202-225-0778
Rep. Christopher Smithﾠ
202-225-7768
Rep. Scott Garrettﾠ
202-225-9048
Rep. Frank Palloneﾠ
202-225-9665
Rep. Leonard Lanceﾠ
202-225-9460
Rep. William Pascrellﾠ
202-225-5751
Rep. Steven Rothmanﾠ
202-225-5851
Rep. Donald Payneﾠ
202-225-4160
Rep. Rodney Frelinghuysenﾠ
202-225-3186
Rep. Rush Holtﾠ
202-225-6025
Rep. Albio Siresﾠ
202-226-0792
Sen. Jeff Bingamanﾠ
202-224-2852
Sen. Tom Udallﾠ
202-228-3261
Rep. Martin Heinrich
202-225-4975
Rep. Harry Teagueﾠ
202-225-9599
Rep. Ben Lujanﾠ
202-226-1528
Sen. Charles Schumerﾠ
202-228-3027
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrandﾠ
202-228-0282
Rep. Tim Bishopﾠ
202-225-3143
Rep. Steven Israelﾠ
202-225-4669
Rep. Peter Kingﾠ
202-226-2279
Rep. Carolyn McCarthyﾠ
202-225-5758
Rep. Gary Ackermanﾠ
202-225-1589
Rep. Gregory Meeksﾠ
202-226-4169
Rep. Joseph Crowleyﾠ
202-225-1909
Rep. Jerrold Nadlerﾠ
202-225-6923
Rep. Anthony Weinerﾠ
202-226-7243
Rep. Edolphus Townsﾠ
202-225-1018
Rep. Yvette Clarkeﾠ
202-226-0112
Rep. Nydia Velazquezﾠ
202-226-0327
Rep. Michael McMahonﾠ
202-225-1272
Rep. Carolyn Maloneyﾠ
202-225-4709
Rep. Charles Rangelﾠ
202-226-0816ﾠ
Rep. Jose Serranoﾠ
202-225-6001
Rep. Eliot Engelﾠ
202-225-5513
Rep. Nita Loweyﾠ
202-225-0546
Rep. John Hallﾠ
202-225-3289
Rep. Scott Murphyﾠ
202-225-1168
Rep. Paul Tonkoﾠ
202-225-5077
Rep. Maurice Hincheyﾠ
202-226-0774
Rep. John McHughﾠ
202-226-0621
Rep. Michael Arcuriﾠ
202-225-1891
Rep. Dan Maffeiﾠ
202-225-4042
Rep. Christopher Leeﾠ
202-225-5910
Rep. Brian Higginsﾠ
202-226-0347
Rep. Louise Slaughterﾠ
202-225-7822
Rep. Eric Massaﾠ
202-226-6599
Sen. Richard Burrﾠ
202-228-2981
Sen. Kay Haganﾠ
202-224-1100
Rep. G.K. Butterfieldﾠ
202-225-3354
Rep. Bob Etheridgeﾠ
202-225-5662
Rep. Walter Jonesﾠ
202-225-3286
Rep. David Priceﾠ
202-225-2014
Rep. Virginia Foxxﾠ
202-225-2995
Rep. Howard Cobleﾠ
202-225-8611
Rep. Mike McIntyreﾠ
202-225-5773
Rep. Larry Kisselﾠ
202-225-4036
Rep. Sue Myrickﾠ
202-225-3389
Rep. Patrick McHenryﾠ
202-225-0316
Rep. Heath Shulerﾠ
202-226-6422
Rep. Melvin Wattﾠ
202-225-1512
Rep. Brad Millerﾠ
202-225-0181
Sen. Kent Conradﾠ
202-224-7776
Sen. Byron L. Dorganﾠ
202-224-1193
Rep. Earl Pomeroyﾠ
202-226-0893
Sen. Sherrod Brownﾠ
202-224-6519
Sen. George Voinovichﾠ
202-228-1382
Rep. Steve Chabotﾠ
202-225-3012
Rep. Jean Schmidtﾠ
202-225-1992
Rep. Michael Turnerﾠ
202-226-1443
Rep. Jim Jordanﾠ
202-226-0577
Rep. Bob Lattaﾠ
202-225-1985ﾠ
Rep. Charlie Wilsonﾠ
202-225-5907
Rep. David Hobsonﾠ
202-225-1984
Rep. John Boehnerﾠ
202-225-0704
Rep. Marcy Kapturﾠ
202-225-7711
Rep. Dennis Kucinichﾠ
202-225-5745
Rep. Marcia Fudgeﾠ
202-225-1339
Rep. Pat Tiberiﾠ
202-226-4523
Rep. Betty Suttonﾠ
202-225-2266
Rep. Steven LaTouretteﾠ
202-225-3307
Rep. Deborah Pryceﾠ
202-225-3529
Rep. Ralph Regulaﾠ
202-225-3059
Rep. Tim Ryanﾠ
202-225-3719
Rep. Zack Spaceﾠ
202-225-3394
Gov. Brad Henryﾠ
405-521-3353
Sen. James Inhofeﾠ
202-228-0380
Sen. Tom Coburnﾠ
202-224-6008
Rep. John Sullivanﾠ
202 225-9187
Rep. Dan Borenﾠ
202-225-3038
Rep. Frank Lucasﾠ
202-225-8698
Rep. Tom Coleﾠ
202-225-3512
Rep. Mary Fallinﾠ
202-226-1463
Sen. Jeff Merkleyﾠ
202-228-3997
Sen. Ron Wydenﾠ
202-228-2717
Rep. David Wuﾠ
202-225-9497
Rep. Greg Waldenﾠ
202-225-5774
Rep. Earl Blumenauerﾠ
202-225-8941
Rep. Peter DeFazioﾠ
202-225-0032
Rep. Darlene Hooleyﾠ
202-225-5699
Sen. Robert Casey, Jr.ﾠ
202-228-0604
Sen. Arlen Specterﾠ
202-228-1229
Rep. Robert Bradyﾠ
202-225-0088
Rep. Chaka Fattahﾠ
202-225-5392
Rep. Kathy Dahlkemperﾠ
202-225-3103
Rep. Jason Altmireﾠ
202-226-2274
Rep. John Petersonﾠ
202-225-5796
Rep. Jim Gerlachﾠ
202-225-8440
Rep. Joe Sestakﾠ
202-225-0280
Rep. Patrick Murphyﾠ
202-225-9511
Rep. Bill Shusterﾠ
202-225-2486
Rep. Chris Carneyﾠ
202-225-9594
Rep. Paul Kanjorskiﾠ
202-225-0764
Rep. John Murthaﾠ
202-225-5709
Rep. Allyson Schwartzﾠ
202-226-0611
Rep. Michael Doyleﾠ
202-225-3084
Rep. Charlie Dentﾠ
202-226-0778
Rep. Joseph Pittsﾠ
202-225-2013
Rep. Tim Holdenﾠ
202-226-0996
Rep. Tim Murphyﾠ
202-225-1844
Rep. Todd Plattsﾠ
202-226-1000
Sen. Sheldon Whitehouseﾠ
202-228-2853
Sen. Jack Reedﾠ
202-224-4680
Rep. Patrick Kennedyﾠ
202-225-3290
Rep. James Langevinﾠ
202-225-5976
Sen. Jim DeMintﾠ
202-228-5143
Sen. Lindsey Grahamﾠ
202-224-3808
Rep. Henry Brownﾠ
202-225-3407
Rep. Joe Wilsonﾠ
202-225-2455
Rep. Gresham Barrettﾠ
202-225-3216
Rep. Bob Inglisﾠ
202-226-1177
Rep. John Sprattﾠ
202-225-0464
Rep. James Clyburnﾠ
202-225-2313
Sen. John Thuneﾠ
202-228-5429
Sen. Tim Johnsonﾠ
202-228-5765
Rep. Stephanie Hersethﾠ
202-225-5823
Sen. Bob Corkerﾠ
202-228-1264
Sen. Lamar Alexanderﾠ
202-228-3398
Rep. Phil Roeﾠ
202-225-5714
Rep. John Duncan, Jr.ﾠ
202-225-6440
Rep. Zach Wampﾠ
202-225-3494
Rep. Lincoln Davisﾠ
202-226-5172
Rep. Jim Cooperﾠ
202-226-1035
Rep. Bart Gordonﾠ
202-225-6887
Rep. Marsha Blackburnﾠ
202-225-3004
Rep. John Tannerﾠ
202-225-1765
Rep. Steve Cohenﾠ
202-225-5663
Sen. John Cornynﾠ
202-228-2856
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchisonﾠ
202-224-0776
Rep. Louis Gohmertﾠ
202-225-5866
Rep. Ted Poeﾠ
202-225-5547
Rep. Sam Johnsonﾠ
202-225-1485
Rep. Ralph Hallﾠ
202-225-3332ﾠ
Rep. Jeb Hensarlingﾠ
202-226-4888
Rep. Joe Bartonﾠ
202-225-3052
Rep. John Culbersonﾠ
202-225-4381
Rep. Kevin Bradyﾠ
202-225-5524
Rep. Al Greenﾠ
202-225-2947
Rep. Michael McCaulﾠ
202-225-5955
Rep. Mike Conawayﾠ
202-225-1783
Rep. Kay Grangerﾠ
202-225-5683
Rep. "Mac" Thornberryﾠ
202-225-3486
Rep. Ron Paulﾠ
202-226-6553
Rep. Ruben Hinojosaﾠ
202-225-5688
Rep. Silvestre Reyesﾠ
202-225-2016
Rep. Chet Edwardsﾠ
202-225-2234
Rep. Sheila Jackson-Leeﾠ
202-225-3317
Rep. Randy Neugebauerﾠ
202-225-9615
Rep. Charles Gonzalezﾠ
202-225-1915
Rep. Lamar Smithﾠ
202-225-8628
Rep. Pete Olsonﾠ
202-225-5241
Rep. Ciro Rodriguezﾠ
202-225-2237
Rep. Kenny Marchantﾠ
202-225-0074
Rep. Lloyd Doggettﾠ
202-225-2947
Rep. Michael Burgessﾠ
202-225-2919
Rep. Solomon Ortizﾠ
202-226-1134
Rep. Enrique Cuellarﾠ
202-225-1641
Rep. Gene Greenﾠ
202-225-9903
Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnsonﾠ
202-226-1477
Rep. John Carterﾠ
202-225-5886
Rep. Pete Sessionsﾠ
202-225-5878
Sen. Robert F. Bennettﾠ
202-228-1168
Sen. Orrin G. Hatchﾠ
202-224-6331
Rep. Rob Bishopﾠ
202-225-5857
Rep. Jim Mathesonﾠ
202-225-5638
Rep. Chris Cannonﾠ
202-225-5629
Sen. Bernie Sandersﾠ
202-228-0776
Sen. Patrick J. Leahyﾠ
202-224-3479
Rep. Peter Welchﾠ
202-225-6790
Sen. Jim Webbﾠ
202-228-6363
Sen. Mark Warnerﾠ
202-224-6295
Rep. Robert Wittmanﾠ
202-225-4382
Rep. Glen Nyeﾠ
202-225-4218
Rep. Robert Scottﾠ
202-225-8354
Rep. Randy Forbesﾠ
202-226-1170
Rep. Thomas Perrielloﾠ
202-225-5681
Rep. Bob Goodlatteﾠ
202-225-9681
Rep. Eric Cantorﾠ
202-225-0011
Rep. Jim Moranﾠ
202-225-0017
Rep. Rick Boucherﾠ
202-225-0442
Rep. Frank Wolfﾠ
202-225-0437
Rep. Gerald Connollyﾠ
202-225-3071
Sen. Maria Cantwellﾠ
202-228-0514
Sen. Patty Murrayﾠ
202-224-0238
Rep. Jay Insleeﾠ
202-226-1606
Rep. Rick Larsenﾠ
202-225-4420
Rep. Brian Bairdﾠ
202-225-3478
Rep. Doc Hastingsﾠ
202-225-3251
Rep. Cathy McMorrisﾠ
202-225-3392
Rep. Norman Dicksﾠ
202-226-1176
Rep. Jim McDermottﾠ
202-225-6197
Rep. Dave Reichertﾠ
202-225-4282
Rep. Adam Smithﾠ
202-225-5893
Sen. Robert C. Byrdﾠ
202-228-0002
Sen. John D. Rockefeller, IVﾠ
202-224-7665
Rep. Alan Mollohanﾠ
202-225-7564
Rep. Shelley Capitoﾠ
202-225-7856
Rep. Nick Rahallﾠ
202-225-9061
Sen. Russell D. Feingoldﾠ
202-224-2725
Sen. Herb Kohlﾠ
202-224-9787
Rep. Paul Ryanﾠ
202-225-3393
Rep. Tammy Baldwinﾠ
202-225-6942
Rep. Ron Kindﾠ
202-225-5739
Rep. Gwen Mooreﾠ
202-225-8135
Rep. James Sensenbrennerﾠ
202-225-3190
Rep. Tom Petriﾠ
202-225-2356
Rep. David Obeyﾠ
715-842-4488
Rep. Steve Kaganﾠ
202-225-5729
Sen. Mike Enziﾠ
202-228-0359ﾠ
Sen. John Barrassoﾠ
202-224-1724
Rep. Barbara Cubinﾠ
202-225-3057
Delegate Eni Faleomavaegaﾠ
202-225-8757
Delegate Eleanor Holmes Nortonﾠ
202-225-3002
Delegate Madeilene Bordalloﾠ
202-226-0341
Delegate Pedro Pierluisiﾠ
202-225-2154
Delegate Donna Christensenﾠ
202-225-5517
.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saddened But Not Shocked: The Death of Amy Winehouse
While the weekend death of 27 year old singer Amy Winehouse has left many folks saddened and distressed, it has left few actually surprised. In fact, it seems like our world has been filled with celebrities young and old who seem clearly on a path to self-destruction and there is little the public, let alone their family, can do to stop this freight-train of personal ruin. When this devastating path leads from bottle to pills to grave, leaving only misery in its wake, the world grieves not just the loss of a young life but the vision of what may have been given the great talent involved.
What sort of cautionary tale is this for the likes of Lindsey Lohan or Charlie Sheen, who seem to be also wallowing in behavior that at best reeks of poor judgment and at worst is plain dangerous? The sad truth is that they will learn nothing. Amy Winehouse follows Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, John Belushi, Jim Morrison, Chris Farley, Jimi Hendrix, River Phoenix and far too many more to name in one short blog posting. If Amy did not learn from Kurt who failed to learn from John who did not learn from Jimi, then any celebrity currently battling their own addictions will not learn from her. There is a pathology to the way that celebrities view themselves and the world that leaves them impervious to lessons that seem all too obvious to the rest of us.
The death of Amy Winehouse is tragic beyond belief, but she has been on the short list of celebrities-who-will-die-too-soon for quite some time. Once someone has committed themselves to prescribing their own death via drinking and/or drugs, there is little that anyone else can do to alter that pathway. I am sure that Ms. Winehouse’s parents, extended family, close friends and professional management team have begged her to change her ways. They have likely cried more tears than we can imagine and mentally prepared for her funeral hundreds of times. None of this changed the way she lived and none of this altered the timeline for her death. She needed help in the most desperate way and could not claw her way towards health, as the draw of the addiction was stronger than anything she had in her spiritual or emotional arsenal.
A picture was released in 2007 of Amy Winehouse wandering in the streets of London, wearing only a bra and jeans. She is disoriented, confused, out of control and appears nothing short of desperate. The camera catches her raising her hands as if to surrender and she is naked both physically and emotionally. It is a scene of desperation and one that speaks to her complete helplessness over the addiction that had consumed her very existence. It is, in a word, sad.
RIP Amy Winehouse.
What sort of cautionary tale is this for the likes of Lindsey Lohan or Charlie Sheen, who seem to be also wallowing in behavior that at best reeks of poor judgment and at worst is plain dangerous? The sad truth is that they will learn nothing. Amy Winehouse follows Kurt Cobain, Janis Joplin, Heath Ledger, John Belushi, Jim Morrison, Chris Farley, Jimi Hendrix, River Phoenix and far too many more to name in one short blog posting. If Amy did not learn from Kurt who failed to learn from John who did not learn from Jimi, then any celebrity currently battling their own addictions will not learn from her. There is a pathology to the way that celebrities view themselves and the world that leaves them impervious to lessons that seem all too obvious to the rest of us.
The death of Amy Winehouse is tragic beyond belief, but she has been on the short list of celebrities-who-will-die-too-soon for quite some time. Once someone has committed themselves to prescribing their own death via drinking and/or drugs, there is little that anyone else can do to alter that pathway. I am sure that Ms. Winehouse’s parents, extended family, close friends and professional management team have begged her to change her ways. They have likely cried more tears than we can imagine and mentally prepared for her funeral hundreds of times. None of this changed the way she lived and none of this altered the timeline for her death. She needed help in the most desperate way and could not claw her way towards health, as the draw of the addiction was stronger than anything she had in her spiritual or emotional arsenal.
A picture was released in 2007 of Amy Winehouse wandering in the streets of London, wearing only a bra and jeans. She is disoriented, confused, out of control and appears nothing short of desperate. The camera catches her raising her hands as if to surrender and she is naked both physically and emotionally. It is a scene of desperation and one that speaks to her complete helplessness over the addiction that had consumed her very existence. It is, in a word, sad.
RIP Amy Winehouse.
Monday, July 11, 2011
The Real Price That Deadbeat Parents Pay
Many of the myths surrounding child support continue to shock and surprise me, even 16 years into my own process. As I peruse child support forums in preparation for this blog, and for my own information, there are several fairytales that persist. The most common one is this: The money I pay to my ex does not go to my kid. Every single time a parent paying $30 or $100 per week makes this allegation I am torn between laughing and screaming. The kids in question needs clothing, food, shelter, education, social activities, medical care, haircuts, new shoes, a blow dryer, eyeglasses, poster board for a school project, tights for a ballet performance, knee pads for soccer, money for a field trip, and more. You really believe your small amount is going to some other cause? Not a chance. In fact, your small amount does not even begin to impact the real expenses that the child incurs. There are costs you cannot even wrap your brain around, such as having to rent a 2 bedroom apartment for $1,000 versus a one bedroom at $800 because you have a child. Or, buying a home in a great school district for $325,000 versus one in a mediocre district for $275,000.
The fact of the matter is that the custodial parent has no choice in paying for these expenses, whether the non-custodial parent pays up or not. Can she go to the school and say “Sorry, can’t pay tuition until my ex pays me”? Can she tell the child, “Nope, no new eyeglasses until Daddy comes through”? No, the expenses need to be paid and the custodial parent just prays that the money comes through…eventually….someday. If there is such a concept of economic or fiscal abuse, this is it. And it is abuse that the custodial parent cannot walk away from.
Something I have heard hundreds of times in my own Child Support Journey is, “All you care about is money”. Funny, only folks that owe other people money say things like this. It is an attempt to make me look petty, superficial and shallow. It does not work and fails to affect me personally, because I know that whether the money is there or not I am still on the frontlines of parenting taking care of financial needs, emotional needs, academic needs, social needs and basic needs. I need to do that whether I have gotten $100 in the last month or $100 in the last year. My duties as a parent endure, even as the flow of money stops. The bottom line is this: The money matters.
Still, deadbeat parents do pay a price that is much higher than just the money piece. I have yet to talk to a deadbeat parent that has a close and loving relationship with their child. In fact, the older the child gets the more they realize the truth of the matter even as the custodial parent never says a word about her financial strain. In my own case, I never once spoke to my child about the money owed as I felt that this was a burden that a child does not need thrust upon their shoulders. On the other hand, I also never once withheld visitation in some nasty effort to punish my ex. My very wise divorce attorney told me early on that money and visitation are completely separate issues and that one has no bearing on the other. He also said that I should always do the right thing even as the other parent did the wrong thing, because if we ever end up back in court I will want to stand before the judge with clean hands. There were years where I got zero dollars even as my child visited his father nearly every weekend.
As Bradley matured, though, the truth of the matter became evident to him and he knew that a man that did not care for his child from a financial perspective did not care about him at all. The easy part is going to the park or the movies or riding bikes with your kid. The hard part is putting your child’s financial needs ahead of your own and saying to yourself, “Gee, I really need to get in shape and would love a gym membership, but my child needs braces”. Know how often a custodial parent that is owed money says such things to themselves? Daily.
Now, so many years later, my son has turned into an amazing young man ready to start college in six weeks. Two years ago he opted on his own and for very personal reasons to walk away from his father for good. And, he has never looked back. His biological father did not see him graduate from high school, will not see him graduate from college, will not see him marry, and will never know his grandchildren. He will never know the pain of sharing Bradley’s heartaches or the pure joy as he has fallen in love with a lovely young woman. He will not be there to help select a graduate school, fuss over buying the perfect first car or help straighten his tie for his first job interview.
He has sold all of this privilege, all of this honor, all of this blessing for five digits worth of past due support. What a shame for him.
The fact of the matter is that the custodial parent has no choice in paying for these expenses, whether the non-custodial parent pays up or not. Can she go to the school and say “Sorry, can’t pay tuition until my ex pays me”? Can she tell the child, “Nope, no new eyeglasses until Daddy comes through”? No, the expenses need to be paid and the custodial parent just prays that the money comes through…eventually….someday. If there is such a concept of economic or fiscal abuse, this is it. And it is abuse that the custodial parent cannot walk away from.
Something I have heard hundreds of times in my own Child Support Journey is, “All you care about is money”. Funny, only folks that owe other people money say things like this. It is an attempt to make me look petty, superficial and shallow. It does not work and fails to affect me personally, because I know that whether the money is there or not I am still on the frontlines of parenting taking care of financial needs, emotional needs, academic needs, social needs and basic needs. I need to do that whether I have gotten $100 in the last month or $100 in the last year. My duties as a parent endure, even as the flow of money stops. The bottom line is this: The money matters.
Still, deadbeat parents do pay a price that is much higher than just the money piece. I have yet to talk to a deadbeat parent that has a close and loving relationship with their child. In fact, the older the child gets the more they realize the truth of the matter even as the custodial parent never says a word about her financial strain. In my own case, I never once spoke to my child about the money owed as I felt that this was a burden that a child does not need thrust upon their shoulders. On the other hand, I also never once withheld visitation in some nasty effort to punish my ex. My very wise divorce attorney told me early on that money and visitation are completely separate issues and that one has no bearing on the other. He also said that I should always do the right thing even as the other parent did the wrong thing, because if we ever end up back in court I will want to stand before the judge with clean hands. There were years where I got zero dollars even as my child visited his father nearly every weekend.
As Bradley matured, though, the truth of the matter became evident to him and he knew that a man that did not care for his child from a financial perspective did not care about him at all. The easy part is going to the park or the movies or riding bikes with your kid. The hard part is putting your child’s financial needs ahead of your own and saying to yourself, “Gee, I really need to get in shape and would love a gym membership, but my child needs braces”. Know how often a custodial parent that is owed money says such things to themselves? Daily.
Now, so many years later, my son has turned into an amazing young man ready to start college in six weeks. Two years ago he opted on his own and for very personal reasons to walk away from his father for good. And, he has never looked back. His biological father did not see him graduate from high school, will not see him graduate from college, will not see him marry, and will never know his grandchildren. He will never know the pain of sharing Bradley’s heartaches or the pure joy as he has fallen in love with a lovely young woman. He will not be there to help select a graduate school, fuss over buying the perfect first car or help straighten his tie for his first job interview.
He has sold all of this privilege, all of this honor, all of this blessing for five digits worth of past due support. What a shame for him.
Friday, July 8, 2011
A Broken Child Support System
I would like to preface this blog, and all related blogs to follow, by saying that I am not a child support collection expert. I am not an attorney, financial advisor or CPA. I am just a mother that desperately wants what is best for her children, including protecting their financial interests. I would also like to mention that the current support owed to me by my first husband is a staggering $70,000. Bear in mind that this is support only and does not include 50% of other owed expenses such as medical insurance, day care expenses, and school tuition. If we crunched those numbers, we would be closer to $100,000. The current order that is in place for this case, not that it seriously matters because the ex could care less, is a mere $70 per week. This means that if I started get support today…literally, today…that he would be all paid up sans any interest in 1,000 weeks. For those of you without a calculator handy, this is about 20 years. Yes, I will be collecting child support at the same time I am collecting Medicare. Even as I reflect on this, my stomach twists and turns in a maddening cocktail of rage, astonishment and pure helplessness.
While I live in Illinois, I also have experience with the child support system in both Ohio and Florida. However, it seems that Illinois is light-years behind many other states when it comes to child support enforcement and my case is no exception. I wonder at times if I am too lax in my approach or too patient in waiting for what is owed me. The fact of the matter is that it takes time, energy and money to pursue delinquent child support and I am short on all of those things. As a freelance writer, if I am not at home working on a project for a client then I do not get paid. I do not have the luxury of abandoning my work in pursuit of money that I know in my gut I may never receive.
In the last 6 months I have traveled four times more than 120 miles round-trip to the Lake County Courthouse in Waukegan, Illinois. This is nearly 500 miles and with gas nearing $4 per gallon I have spent $100 in order to get a zero net return. Obviously, this does not even include the money I could be making if I were at home for those hours actually making money. Yes, I would end up making more money if I simply stopped pursuing child support. How sickening is that?
My current husband, who is pragmatic almost to a fault, believes that I should simply wash my hands of the matter and if money floats our way, so be it. And if it does not, I will have saved myself money, endless tears and nonstop aggravation. He knows that this outstanding balance will never evaporate and that it will eventually catch up with the ex. He knows that in a thousand different ways our lives are more magnificent than the ex could even hope to imagine for himself. Of course, he is right. But let’s not tell him that….yet.
Because my case is being handled by the Illinois States Attorney’s office I am at their mercy regarding whether they actually act on my case. I cannot reach anyone by phone, by fax or by mail. For those who have never lived within the child support system, you probably imagine that as soon as a check is missing you can pick up the phone and say, “Well, he is late again. Please do something”. It simply does not work like that. In the 16 years that I have been dealing with this matter, I have stood before a judge a total of three times. The first time was six months ago when the ex asked for a reduction in support (granted). A reduction? Are you freaking kidding me? The second time was a month ago when the judge wanted (after I pleaded a bit previously) an update on the exes employment status. In that case, he never even showed up and so the case was continued until yesterday. Yes, read that again…he never even showed up to court. Surely something happens in that case, right? I mean, contempt or a fine or something? Nothing. I stood in front of the judge feeling as though my head was going to explode. It did not and I drove home with tears streaming down my cheeks.
There is so much to this case that I will continue nearly daily updates on this until either I get a bit of money or I finally take my husband’s advice to walk away from this frustrating journey. Stay tuned as tomorrow I will outline for you just what my ex is missing out on, when it comes to my amazing son and why my son has made his own choice to walk away from his biological father.
While I live in Illinois, I also have experience with the child support system in both Ohio and Florida. However, it seems that Illinois is light-years behind many other states when it comes to child support enforcement and my case is no exception. I wonder at times if I am too lax in my approach or too patient in waiting for what is owed me. The fact of the matter is that it takes time, energy and money to pursue delinquent child support and I am short on all of those things. As a freelance writer, if I am not at home working on a project for a client then I do not get paid. I do not have the luxury of abandoning my work in pursuit of money that I know in my gut I may never receive.
In the last 6 months I have traveled four times more than 120 miles round-trip to the Lake County Courthouse in Waukegan, Illinois. This is nearly 500 miles and with gas nearing $4 per gallon I have spent $100 in order to get a zero net return. Obviously, this does not even include the money I could be making if I were at home for those hours actually making money. Yes, I would end up making more money if I simply stopped pursuing child support. How sickening is that?
My current husband, who is pragmatic almost to a fault, believes that I should simply wash my hands of the matter and if money floats our way, so be it. And if it does not, I will have saved myself money, endless tears and nonstop aggravation. He knows that this outstanding balance will never evaporate and that it will eventually catch up with the ex. He knows that in a thousand different ways our lives are more magnificent than the ex could even hope to imagine for himself. Of course, he is right. But let’s not tell him that….yet.
Because my case is being handled by the Illinois States Attorney’s office I am at their mercy regarding whether they actually act on my case. I cannot reach anyone by phone, by fax or by mail. For those who have never lived within the child support system, you probably imagine that as soon as a check is missing you can pick up the phone and say, “Well, he is late again. Please do something”. It simply does not work like that. In the 16 years that I have been dealing with this matter, I have stood before a judge a total of three times. The first time was six months ago when the ex asked for a reduction in support (granted). A reduction? Are you freaking kidding me? The second time was a month ago when the judge wanted (after I pleaded a bit previously) an update on the exes employment status. In that case, he never even showed up and so the case was continued until yesterday. Yes, read that again…he never even showed up to court. Surely something happens in that case, right? I mean, contempt or a fine or something? Nothing. I stood in front of the judge feeling as though my head was going to explode. It did not and I drove home with tears streaming down my cheeks.
There is so much to this case that I will continue nearly daily updates on this until either I get a bit of money or I finally take my husband’s advice to walk away from this frustrating journey. Stay tuned as tomorrow I will outline for you just what my ex is missing out on, when it comes to my amazing son and why my son has made his own choice to walk away from his biological father.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tips for Reducing Healthcare Expenses
Whether you have health insurance with your current employer or you are self-insured, there is no question that healthcare expenses are too much for the average household budget. In fact, according to a 2007 Harvard University study 62% of the personal bankruptcies that occur in the United States are due to unmanageable medical expenses. While this percentage has decreased a bit in the subsequent few years, it is still holding at greater than 50%. Because of this, folks are looking for ways to possibly reduce what they spend on healthcare for themselves and their family. Following are several great tips that may help you in keeping healthcare expenses low.
Insurance Via Your Employer
If you are employed and have insurance through your employer, you should request from your supervisor or Human Resources Department a full outline of all of your health insurance options. In some cases, employees are offered a variety of plans (HMO, PPO, POS) through the same insurance company. Given these three options, HMOs will nearly always end up being the most cost economical. While restrictions apply to HMOs, most people find that this plan more than satisfies all of their healthcare needs and is a plan that is very easy to work with. If you follow all of the rules of an HMO (e.g. obtaining referrals, staying in network, etc.), you will procure the maximum benefit levels allowed by the plan. In fact, you will likely have no out of pocket expense except for your copayment. If you do not have an HMO option via your employer sponsored plan, you should still consult with your plan administrator to determine if there is any way to reduce your monthly premium expense. For instance, if you have a flexible spending account (FSA) or health savings account (HSA) you may be able to pay for your health insurance premiums with pre-tax dollars.
Adjusting Your Deductible
If you are self-employed or have retired early you may have to purchase your own health insurance plan without any employer assistance or subsidy. While you will not get the monetary enhancement that you would with an employer sponsored plan, you will have greater control over the expense and insurance options that you choose for your family. The primary way to keep your plan at a reasonable rate is to maintain a high but manageable deductible. If you are young or fairly healthy, this will prove to be a huge cost savings. For instance, the same insurance plan via a national insurance carrier will cost a 30 year old female $174 per month with a $1,000 annual deductible versus $56 per month with a $5,00 deductible. This is a cost savings of $118 per month or more than $1,400 over the course of one year. You should try to find a sensible balance of premium expense and deductible.
Short Term Plans
If you are temporarily unemployed or an adult college student not eligible for placement on a spouses plan, you should opt for a short term health insurance plan. These policies are very reasonably priced and do provide at least a measure of insurance coverage. At the very least, you will get the insurance carrier discount when seeing a physician. This may mean the difference between paying $75 for an office visit (no insurance) and $57 (insurance plan rate applied). These short term plans are valid for up to 6 months, but may be renewed regularly. As with any other plan, try to find a plan that has a manageable blend of monthly premium expense and annual deductible. There are several online sites that offer short term policies and you can usually know within just a few moments if your application has been approved.
Health Insurance Discount Programs
Most of the major health insurance companies offer to their members a variety of discount programs in an effort to ensure that they remain healthy and have a reduced number of medical claims. For instance, you may receive 15% off of a gym membership, 20% off of mail-order vitamin supplements or 25% off of a weight management program via a national chain. Contact your health insurance company to see what programs they offer to their members. In most cases, you can view that information right on the carrier’s website.
Working With Physicians and Hospitals
If you have no insurance at all or your insurance company has paid very little on a high dollar claim, you should appeal directly to the providers for assistance with the outstanding balance. Do not wait to do this while hoping that the outstanding balance will evaporate or you may risk going to collections. You just need to contact the Office Manager of the physician office or the Patient Accounts Department of the hospital and discuss the matter directly with them. In your discussions, be honest with them and tell them that you are experiencing an economic hardship. In the case of a bill for physician services, they may be willing to discount your bill up to 50%. For hospital bills, depending on your financial situation you may have up to 100% of the bill written off. If you approach these folks with honesty and integrity, they will work with you with regards to your outstanding balance.
Freebies
Both large and small hospitals have health outreach programs for their community and the programs are often free. Services that are offered may include: nutritional counseling, diabetic counseling, exercise programs, pregnancy services, healthy cooking classes, smoking cessation programs, asthma management programs and more. Contact your local hospital to see what they are offering that may be of benefit to you. Also, most of the major health insurance companies have nurses that staff a free hotline for medical inquiries 24 hours a day. They can address questions such as:
• What are the symptoms of sunstroke?
• What is the difference between a sinus infection and the common cold?
• Should I put ice on a sprained ankle?
• What should I do with a colicky infant?
Finally, another great freebie for you is right at your physician’s office. If your insurance plan does not cover medications, or covers them at a very low level, you should take the time to ask your doctor for samples of any medications you take. The pharmaceutical companies regularly provide to physician offices plenty of samples, which the doctor will be happy to share with you.
Whether you are insured, uninsured or underinsured, managing your healthcare expenses can be a real challenge. Using some of these tips should help alleviate some of that burden and ensure that your bank account remains as healthy as you do.
Insurance Via Your Employer
If you are employed and have insurance through your employer, you should request from your supervisor or Human Resources Department a full outline of all of your health insurance options. In some cases, employees are offered a variety of plans (HMO, PPO, POS) through the same insurance company. Given these three options, HMOs will nearly always end up being the most cost economical. While restrictions apply to HMOs, most people find that this plan more than satisfies all of their healthcare needs and is a plan that is very easy to work with. If you follow all of the rules of an HMO (e.g. obtaining referrals, staying in network, etc.), you will procure the maximum benefit levels allowed by the plan. In fact, you will likely have no out of pocket expense except for your copayment. If you do not have an HMO option via your employer sponsored plan, you should still consult with your plan administrator to determine if there is any way to reduce your monthly premium expense. For instance, if you have a flexible spending account (FSA) or health savings account (HSA) you may be able to pay for your health insurance premiums with pre-tax dollars.
Adjusting Your Deductible
If you are self-employed or have retired early you may have to purchase your own health insurance plan without any employer assistance or subsidy. While you will not get the monetary enhancement that you would with an employer sponsored plan, you will have greater control over the expense and insurance options that you choose for your family. The primary way to keep your plan at a reasonable rate is to maintain a high but manageable deductible. If you are young or fairly healthy, this will prove to be a huge cost savings. For instance, the same insurance plan via a national insurance carrier will cost a 30 year old female $174 per month with a $1,000 annual deductible versus $56 per month with a $5,00 deductible. This is a cost savings of $118 per month or more than $1,400 over the course of one year. You should try to find a sensible balance of premium expense and deductible.
Short Term Plans
If you are temporarily unemployed or an adult college student not eligible for placement on a spouses plan, you should opt for a short term health insurance plan. These policies are very reasonably priced and do provide at least a measure of insurance coverage. At the very least, you will get the insurance carrier discount when seeing a physician. This may mean the difference between paying $75 for an office visit (no insurance) and $57 (insurance plan rate applied). These short term plans are valid for up to 6 months, but may be renewed regularly. As with any other plan, try to find a plan that has a manageable blend of monthly premium expense and annual deductible. There are several online sites that offer short term policies and you can usually know within just a few moments if your application has been approved.
Health Insurance Discount Programs
Most of the major health insurance companies offer to their members a variety of discount programs in an effort to ensure that they remain healthy and have a reduced number of medical claims. For instance, you may receive 15% off of a gym membership, 20% off of mail-order vitamin supplements or 25% off of a weight management program via a national chain. Contact your health insurance company to see what programs they offer to their members. In most cases, you can view that information right on the carrier’s website.
Working With Physicians and Hospitals
If you have no insurance at all or your insurance company has paid very little on a high dollar claim, you should appeal directly to the providers for assistance with the outstanding balance. Do not wait to do this while hoping that the outstanding balance will evaporate or you may risk going to collections. You just need to contact the Office Manager of the physician office or the Patient Accounts Department of the hospital and discuss the matter directly with them. In your discussions, be honest with them and tell them that you are experiencing an economic hardship. In the case of a bill for physician services, they may be willing to discount your bill up to 50%. For hospital bills, depending on your financial situation you may have up to 100% of the bill written off. If you approach these folks with honesty and integrity, they will work with you with regards to your outstanding balance.
Freebies
Both large and small hospitals have health outreach programs for their community and the programs are often free. Services that are offered may include: nutritional counseling, diabetic counseling, exercise programs, pregnancy services, healthy cooking classes, smoking cessation programs, asthma management programs and more. Contact your local hospital to see what they are offering that may be of benefit to you. Also, most of the major health insurance companies have nurses that staff a free hotline for medical inquiries 24 hours a day. They can address questions such as:
• What are the symptoms of sunstroke?
• What is the difference between a sinus infection and the common cold?
• Should I put ice on a sprained ankle?
• What should I do with a colicky infant?
Finally, another great freebie for you is right at your physician’s office. If your insurance plan does not cover medications, or covers them at a very low level, you should take the time to ask your doctor for samples of any medications you take. The pharmaceutical companies regularly provide to physician offices plenty of samples, which the doctor will be happy to share with you.
Whether you are insured, uninsured or underinsured, managing your healthcare expenses can be a real challenge. Using some of these tips should help alleviate some of that burden and ensure that your bank account remains as healthy as you do.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Breaking News: Casey Anthony is Found Not Guilty
At about 1:15p CDT the verdict was finally returned in the Casey Anthony trial. As you may know by now, the verdict was not guilty for all of the main charges including first degree murder. She was, however, guilty of providing false information to law enforcement officials in this matter. I believe that I have literally felt my heart fall to the floor as those words….Not Guilty….float from my television and to my unbelieving ears. As I watch tears of relief fall from the eyes of Casey Anthony, the rage is rising within me as I wonder how many tears of grief she has shed for her deceased baby girl.
This trial has captured the attention of the nation for a variety of reasons. The little baby girl, Caylee Marie Anthony, was so very cute. So very innocent. So very helpless. And now that the trial has run its course and this shocking verdict is alarming the good folks of our nation, Caylee is also so very without justice as well. In many ways it feels like the O.J. Simpson trial all over again and the hollowness in my heart persists without end.
I have not followed this trial as diligently as others, but have gleaned enough to get a real sense for what was going on in this horrible matter. Perhaps it is because I am a mother myself, or perhaps simply because I have a soul, I cannot fathom not turning the world upside down in an effort to find my child who had been missing for four long weeks. Hell, after five minutes of not spotting my kids at a playground I can be found searching every tree, swing and parked car like a lunatic. Albeit, a caring, loving, and protective lunatic. What Casey Anthony has displayed was not just poor parenting, but it was flat out criminal regardless of the insane verdict that was just announced.
Caylee Marie Anthony, we will never forget your precious angel face. Caylee Marie Anthony we will never forget that your mother has gotten away with murder. Caylee Marie Anthony we, as a civil society, are so very sorry about this injustice.
This trial has captured the attention of the nation for a variety of reasons. The little baby girl, Caylee Marie Anthony, was so very cute. So very innocent. So very helpless. And now that the trial has run its course and this shocking verdict is alarming the good folks of our nation, Caylee is also so very without justice as well. In many ways it feels like the O.J. Simpson trial all over again and the hollowness in my heart persists without end.
I have not followed this trial as diligently as others, but have gleaned enough to get a real sense for what was going on in this horrible matter. Perhaps it is because I am a mother myself, or perhaps simply because I have a soul, I cannot fathom not turning the world upside down in an effort to find my child who had been missing for four long weeks. Hell, after five minutes of not spotting my kids at a playground I can be found searching every tree, swing and parked car like a lunatic. Albeit, a caring, loving, and protective lunatic. What Casey Anthony has displayed was not just poor parenting, but it was flat out criminal regardless of the insane verdict that was just announced.
Caylee Marie Anthony, we will never forget your precious angel face. Caylee Marie Anthony we will never forget that your mother has gotten away with murder. Caylee Marie Anthony we, as a civil society, are so very sorry about this injustice.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Yet Another Double Standard
Imagine a scene such as this…
A daytime talk show with 4 male co-hosts, average age of about 45, sitting before a live studio audience. The audience is 95% men with an average age of maybe 55. The audience is excited, clapping, laughing and squirming in their seats with near-teenage giddy anticipation. Clearly, something exciting is happening here at Generic Television Studios USA, but what could it be? On stage the co-hosts are as tickled as the audience regarding the impending show featuring one awesome guest.
To the roar of clapping, wolf whistles and general shrieking the much-anticipated guest of the day makes her entrance. It is young Miley Cyrus and the middle aged men in the audience and on the stage are going positively crazy with excitement. Some in the audience hold crudely made signs saying “Seniors for Cyrus” and “Work it Girl” and “Marry Me” while others simply wave their hairy arms trying to capture the attention of this teen sensation. The audience is squirming, wiggling in their seats, and droplets of hormonal fueled perspiration are forming around their hairline. Soon the shrieking intensifies…”We love you Miley!” and “Oh, you are sooo cute!” and “Can I take you home?”. Even the co-hosts are adjusting their ties and smiling nervously, unable to contain their enthusiasm for being just this close to a darling teenager. Their ensuing banter is nothing short of flirtatious and the co-hosts do what they can to stroke Miley’s hand and hair while trying to slip their arm around her waist.
What do you think of this picture I have painted? Pretty cool, huh? No, I didn’t think so either. I think it borders on some sicko pedophilia and, literally, the thought of it turns my stomach. Grown men treating a young girl in this manner? Ugh.
Yet, I was fortunate enough to witness a similar scene just yesterday as I sat down to watch The View when their featured guest was Justin Bieber. They and their audience acted towards him just as I have described above with the Miley Cyrus scenario. And no one seems to be thinking twice about it or thinking that it is grotesque. Except me, of course. Why is that?
Probably for the same reason that when a cute female teacher is caught in a sexcapade with a teen boy there are usually snickers all around and comments along the lines of “Wish my teachers in high school looked like that” or “Yeah, he’s one lucky fella”. Is that fair? No. It sure the hell is not. In fact, it is just one more way that gender equality in this country seems eons away. Just when you think we have finally gotten our act together as a society, little tidbits like this chip away at any perceived progress we may have made. A shame, I tell you. It is a damned shame and it should cease sooner rather than later.
A daytime talk show with 4 male co-hosts, average age of about 45, sitting before a live studio audience. The audience is 95% men with an average age of maybe 55. The audience is excited, clapping, laughing and squirming in their seats with near-teenage giddy anticipation. Clearly, something exciting is happening here at Generic Television Studios USA, but what could it be? On stage the co-hosts are as tickled as the audience regarding the impending show featuring one awesome guest.
To the roar of clapping, wolf whistles and general shrieking the much-anticipated guest of the day makes her entrance. It is young Miley Cyrus and the middle aged men in the audience and on the stage are going positively crazy with excitement. Some in the audience hold crudely made signs saying “Seniors for Cyrus” and “Work it Girl” and “Marry Me” while others simply wave their hairy arms trying to capture the attention of this teen sensation. The audience is squirming, wiggling in their seats, and droplets of hormonal fueled perspiration are forming around their hairline. Soon the shrieking intensifies…”We love you Miley!” and “Oh, you are sooo cute!” and “Can I take you home?”. Even the co-hosts are adjusting their ties and smiling nervously, unable to contain their enthusiasm for being just this close to a darling teenager. Their ensuing banter is nothing short of flirtatious and the co-hosts do what they can to stroke Miley’s hand and hair while trying to slip their arm around her waist.
What do you think of this picture I have painted? Pretty cool, huh? No, I didn’t think so either. I think it borders on some sicko pedophilia and, literally, the thought of it turns my stomach. Grown men treating a young girl in this manner? Ugh.
Yet, I was fortunate enough to witness a similar scene just yesterday as I sat down to watch The View when their featured guest was Justin Bieber. They and their audience acted towards him just as I have described above with the Miley Cyrus scenario. And no one seems to be thinking twice about it or thinking that it is grotesque. Except me, of course. Why is that?
Probably for the same reason that when a cute female teacher is caught in a sexcapade with a teen boy there are usually snickers all around and comments along the lines of “Wish my teachers in high school looked like that” or “Yeah, he’s one lucky fella”. Is that fair? No. It sure the hell is not. In fact, it is just one more way that gender equality in this country seems eons away. Just when you think we have finally gotten our act together as a society, little tidbits like this chip away at any perceived progress we may have made. A shame, I tell you. It is a damned shame and it should cease sooner rather than later.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
What's Your Problem?!
When you talk to people about their childhoods, as I am prone to doing since I am nosy like that, there are typically either a long or short list of complaints that they are quick to register. Maybe their father never said "I love you" or their mother was overbearing or a sibling was clearly the preferred Golden Child. Of course, some complaints are actually rather serious (read: abusive). For the purposes of this blog, that is not truly what I am talking about. I mean, just general bitching and moaning that they were ripped off by not having the ideal childhood. Or, what they presume is ideal.
I mention this because I recently interviewed my brother for a book I am writing about our father. This brother, who shall remain nameless for no real reason other than the fact that "remain nameless" sounds cool and mysterious, is the kind of guy that appears to be totally self-sufficient. Really together. Very much in control and wanting for nothing emotionally. One of those people that accepts whatever life has thrown at them and makes the best of it without looking back. No regrets, no repairs required.
So I was surprised when this Nameless Brother (still uber mysterious, no?) went on and on during our interview about how he had yearned for more attention, affection and positive reinforcement during his childhood. Even now, some 50 years later, these soft emotions and deep disappointment were so apparent. Believe me, we did not come from a neglectful home and he got, in terms of attention, pretty much about the same amount as any other kids in our upper middle class slice of suburbia.
But I don't want to talk about him....this is my blog, so let's bring this back around to me (see, we all crave attention). My own children, Brilliant Bradley and Perfect Paige, have had what I consider a super blessed childhood. Great vacations, constant encouragement, life in a safe subdivision, loads of opportunities, and fully supportive parents. Seriously, in the Championship Of Parenting, my husband and I have successfully landed in the top 10%.
Which leads me back around to my first thought -- childhood complaints. I can't help but wonder that when my kids are quizzed by some nosy friend, neighbor or other intrusive freak about their own childhood, what will they say? Since we all have mild to moderate (if we're lucky) complaints about what went down the first 18 years of our lives, what will these kids who share my DNA say? There must be something.....right? How about "My mother loved me too much" or "My dad provided excessive positive reinforcement" or "What, you think it is so great to be told that you are loved a dozen times per day". Maybe it will be like one of those job interviews where you are asked about your weaknesses and you are supposed to present them in such a way that they are actually strengths. "I am too honest" or "I tend to be a perfectionist". Side note: Seriously, do human resources professional actually believe that BS? What do they really think when people say that? Probably that they are hiding some serious personal flaw, like they plan to pilfer the company pens and steal their co-workers ham on rye sandwich from the communal staff fridge.
In one way I can peep into the future on this one. My kids are space nearly ten years apart, so in a few years I can quiz 18 year Brilliant Bradley about his childhood and then still have a few good years to fix whatever I have broken with Perfect Paige. Still, I think we are clean. You know why? Because amazing children make parenting easy.
I mention this because I recently interviewed my brother for a book I am writing about our father. This brother, who shall remain nameless for no real reason other than the fact that "remain nameless" sounds cool and mysterious, is the kind of guy that appears to be totally self-sufficient. Really together. Very much in control and wanting for nothing emotionally. One of those people that accepts whatever life has thrown at them and makes the best of it without looking back. No regrets, no repairs required.
So I was surprised when this Nameless Brother (still uber mysterious, no?) went on and on during our interview about how he had yearned for more attention, affection and positive reinforcement during his childhood. Even now, some 50 years later, these soft emotions and deep disappointment were so apparent. Believe me, we did not come from a neglectful home and he got, in terms of attention, pretty much about the same amount as any other kids in our upper middle class slice of suburbia.
But I don't want to talk about him....this is my blog, so let's bring this back around to me (see, we all crave attention). My own children, Brilliant Bradley and Perfect Paige, have had what I consider a super blessed childhood. Great vacations, constant encouragement, life in a safe subdivision, loads of opportunities, and fully supportive parents. Seriously, in the Championship Of Parenting, my husband and I have successfully landed in the top 10%.
Which leads me back around to my first thought -- childhood complaints. I can't help but wonder that when my kids are quizzed by some nosy friend, neighbor or other intrusive freak about their own childhood, what will they say? Since we all have mild to moderate (if we're lucky) complaints about what went down the first 18 years of our lives, what will these kids who share my DNA say? There must be something.....right? How about "My mother loved me too much" or "My dad provided excessive positive reinforcement" or "What, you think it is so great to be told that you are loved a dozen times per day". Maybe it will be like one of those job interviews where you are asked about your weaknesses and you are supposed to present them in such a way that they are actually strengths. "I am too honest" or "I tend to be a perfectionist". Side note: Seriously, do human resources professional actually believe that BS? What do they really think when people say that? Probably that they are hiding some serious personal flaw, like they plan to pilfer the company pens and steal their co-workers ham on rye sandwich from the communal staff fridge.
In one way I can peep into the future on this one. My kids are space nearly ten years apart, so in a few years I can quiz 18 year Brilliant Bradley about his childhood and then still have a few good years to fix whatever I have broken with Perfect Paige. Still, I think we are clean. You know why? Because amazing children make parenting easy.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
We Meet Again
Am I the worst blogger in the world? Well, maybe not. I mean, I am not filling this site with homphobic rants (let's leave that to Tracy Morgan), personal attacks on my exes (so not worth my time) or sappy little odes to my children (okay, I am occasionally guilty of that indulgence). I am a Bad Blogger because I am a neglectful blogger. This was to be a chronicle of my amazing life. It was to an open diary that you can peep into and share my joys with me. And here it sits...neglected, dormant, empty and pitiful for lo these many months. Or has it been years? Scroll down and verify for yourself. What am I, your mother? Pull your own weight on this blog.
I will not bore you via getting caught up on the highs and lows of our life here in suburban Chicago. There has been parenting challenges, marital bliss with a side of toe-to-toe disputes, awesome vacations and dismal health issues. There has been the blossoming of children, extended family, lines of business and personal growth. Oh, yes, we have all been to that Zen place by now -- Scott heads there via Budweiser, Bradley by way of guitar genius, Paige is All Zen All The Time and I achieved spiritual and undying peace by writing. Okay, that is a lie. I get paid to write and I happen to like it. Most of the time. Writing 500 words about how great silk flowers are or 750 words about 3D televisions can be mind-numbing. The dance to the bank? Uber gratifying. Do you enjoy your job 100% of the time? Smiling around the water cooler, skipping to your office, singing as you type, mold, design, fix, or whatever? Nope, me neither.
So enough about me and my neglectful habits. Would it surprise you that I also fail to dilligently floss, haven't cleaned out my freezer since the democrats held the House, and have three Christmas items that have yet to make it to the basement? It seems that you and I are fairly similar, no? Because I neglect so much of my life and control so little of it, I vow here and now to commit to this blog. I want you to come back, I want you to be amused (laugh with me, laugh at me, laugh near me) and I want to get back to writing for me....well, also for those folks that pay the bills as well, but mostly it is all about ME.
I will not bore you via getting caught up on the highs and lows of our life here in suburban Chicago. There has been parenting challenges, marital bliss with a side of toe-to-toe disputes, awesome vacations and dismal health issues. There has been the blossoming of children, extended family, lines of business and personal growth. Oh, yes, we have all been to that Zen place by now -- Scott heads there via Budweiser, Bradley by way of guitar genius, Paige is All Zen All The Time and I achieved spiritual and undying peace by writing. Okay, that is a lie. I get paid to write and I happen to like it. Most of the time. Writing 500 words about how great silk flowers are or 750 words about 3D televisions can be mind-numbing. The dance to the bank? Uber gratifying. Do you enjoy your job 100% of the time? Smiling around the water cooler, skipping to your office, singing as you type, mold, design, fix, or whatever? Nope, me neither.
So enough about me and my neglectful habits. Would it surprise you that I also fail to dilligently floss, haven't cleaned out my freezer since the democrats held the House, and have three Christmas items that have yet to make it to the basement? It seems that you and I are fairly similar, no? Because I neglect so much of my life and control so little of it, I vow here and now to commit to this blog. I want you to come back, I want you to be amused (laugh with me, laugh at me, laugh near me) and I want to get back to writing for me....well, also for those folks that pay the bills as well, but mostly it is all about ME.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Help, I've Fallen And....I'm Pretty Sure I Can Get Up
I have no idea how I came to be in this deep, dark place. My life had been so blessed and I had been seemingly so in control. Now I have drifted into a place that is so murky, so without hope and I feel little control over this demon living within. Yes, I have fallen face first into a bag of Trader Joe’s Kettle Corn and I am clawing my way out.
How did this happen to me? It started so innocently, with a few handfuls of the sweetly salty morsels to accompany a bit of Dr. Phil. Lost in the drama unfolding on television, several more fistfuls are driven into my salivating mouth. Come commercial time, the bag is now 80% gone. I ponder finding a Chip Clip to seal the bag, but who wants the remnants of this disaster? Plus, shame falls around me and I sincerely want all evidence of this completely out of control moment to vanish. Shaking the final bit of delectable dust into my mouth, the bag is quickly crumpled into it’s smallest possible form and shoved deep into the kitchen garbage can.
No control. That is the only way to describe it. This was a ground breaking moment for me and I knew that without control in this corner of my life, I was certain to lose it in other areas as well. Next thing you know the kids will have no clean clothes, the cable will be shut off, the dog will never make it to the groomers and poor Scott will suffer having a fridge barren of Budweiser.
I have been thin all my life. I was the kind of girl that you hated, the one that could eat with abandon and exercise was a foreign term. Yes with these habits, and at 5’7”, I was around 110 through my late teens, 115 in my twenties and 125 in my thirties. I was usually a size 6 or 8, but had occasional size 4 moments when life was particularly hectic. The most I ever weighed was 165 when I was nine months pregnant and retaining gallons of water due to preeclampsia. I still remember the horror of looking at that number in the doctor’s office. The fact that the weight gain was due to a serious medical condition took back seat to concern over that much-too-large number.
Once I hit forty my body changed in ways I never could have imagined, with weight gain being just one component of the roller coaster ride (my very patient husband can fill you in on some of the other peri-menopausal joys). Each year I would pack on five or six mystery pounds, thus forcing me to buy a new wardrobe every season. It was befuddling to me, as I knew that none of my habits had changed. It was just this damn body I was stuck in, one that no longer felt like my own.
I vowed that the Kettle Corn incident would be the last out of control moment of my life. Not only was I increasingly not happy with how I looked, I was not pleased with the way I felt about myself as a person. Grown women should not hand over their power to a bag of snack foods…or chocolate…or cheesecake. Further, what sort of example am I setting for my children?
So this was my break through moment. Yes, it happened very (very!) recently, thus my journey has just begun. The first step of my path was realizing that what I had done historically was not working for me and what I needed was to change direction in my life. I didn’t yet know if that meant Weight Watchers or aerobics or even taping my mouth shut. But, a change was in order and I have now committed myself to a lifestyle change. Won’t you join me, even as a spectator, on this voyage?
How did this happen to me? It started so innocently, with a few handfuls of the sweetly salty morsels to accompany a bit of Dr. Phil. Lost in the drama unfolding on television, several more fistfuls are driven into my salivating mouth. Come commercial time, the bag is now 80% gone. I ponder finding a Chip Clip to seal the bag, but who wants the remnants of this disaster? Plus, shame falls around me and I sincerely want all evidence of this completely out of control moment to vanish. Shaking the final bit of delectable dust into my mouth, the bag is quickly crumpled into it’s smallest possible form and shoved deep into the kitchen garbage can.
No control. That is the only way to describe it. This was a ground breaking moment for me and I knew that without control in this corner of my life, I was certain to lose it in other areas as well. Next thing you know the kids will have no clean clothes, the cable will be shut off, the dog will never make it to the groomers and poor Scott will suffer having a fridge barren of Budweiser.
I have been thin all my life. I was the kind of girl that you hated, the one that could eat with abandon and exercise was a foreign term. Yes with these habits, and at 5’7”, I was around 110 through my late teens, 115 in my twenties and 125 in my thirties. I was usually a size 6 or 8, but had occasional size 4 moments when life was particularly hectic. The most I ever weighed was 165 when I was nine months pregnant and retaining gallons of water due to preeclampsia. I still remember the horror of looking at that number in the doctor’s office. The fact that the weight gain was due to a serious medical condition took back seat to concern over that much-too-large number.
Once I hit forty my body changed in ways I never could have imagined, with weight gain being just one component of the roller coaster ride (my very patient husband can fill you in on some of the other peri-menopausal joys). Each year I would pack on five or six mystery pounds, thus forcing me to buy a new wardrobe every season. It was befuddling to me, as I knew that none of my habits had changed. It was just this damn body I was stuck in, one that no longer felt like my own.
I vowed that the Kettle Corn incident would be the last out of control moment of my life. Not only was I increasingly not happy with how I looked, I was not pleased with the way I felt about myself as a person. Grown women should not hand over their power to a bag of snack foods…or chocolate…or cheesecake. Further, what sort of example am I setting for my children?
So this was my break through moment. Yes, it happened very (very!) recently, thus my journey has just begun. The first step of my path was realizing that what I had done historically was not working for me and what I needed was to change direction in my life. I didn’t yet know if that meant Weight Watchers or aerobics or even taping my mouth shut. But, a change was in order and I have now committed myself to a lifestyle change. Won’t you join me, even as a spectator, on this voyage?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Jon & Kate Plus 8 = Addictive TV
Last night at 8:00 I coerced my family to huddle ‘round the television with me and watch with great interest the newest episodes of “Jon & Kate Plus 8”. Six year old Paige willingly joined in, but sixteen year old Bradley and 40-something Scott were less than enthusiastic. After a series of my “Didn’t I watch the hockey play-offs?” and “I watched the top 100 heavy metal song show with you!” remarks they complied and sunk deep into their respective chairs. I could feel the glares upon me, but pressed on like any voyeuristic soldier.
I adore this show. Now, more than ever, I am completely enthralled. I started kinda-sorta watching a few years back at it’s inception, intrigued by the magnitude of their family and how they seemed to pull it all together. I think any parent struggling to toilet train one child or coping with one picky eater is interested in how parents of multiples handle dealing with these issues in bulk.
Plus, it was rather amusing the sort of verbal jousting they engaged in and how despite it all they seemed to have genuine affection for each other. Jon’s rolling eyes, Kate’s mocking attitude, their secretive defiance of each other….all so engaging. Oh, and of course those too cute kids. Cute as a button, all eight of them.
So I would watch this reality show now and again if I happened to stumble upon it, hoping to glean a helpful parenting tidbit or two. I learned, for instance, to stop catering to my own Picky Paige and just serve her what we are having for dinner (parents of multiples just don’t have the time or energy to run a Denny’s out of their kitchen). Paige has yet to starve herself, thank goodness, and has even learned to love mushrooms.
Then the drama hit. Allegations of affairs, infighting, separation and painful coexistence were all the talk and suddenly my passive interest in the show rose to a new level and my interest was quite captured. It was like peering into the window of your perfect neighbors and having an All Access Pass to their pain. It isn’t joy or amusement that I feel at watching all of this transpire - more like simply odd curiosity. The first episode of the season last week had record viewership, everyone wanting to see…would they sit together on the couch, would they address the rumors, would they admit to being in a failing marriage?
So we watched. And waited. And mostly was delivered what we expected, leaving little to speculation. By appearances, we are watching the beginning or middle of a dying relationship. It is with sickening fascination that we watch, but we watch all the same. Perhaps to feel better about our own thriving marriage, possibly to feel superior to this Oh-So-Perfect Kate, maybe just to align ourselves to one of the parties. To me it all feels just plain sad. Yet, there I sit with my family insisting that we click over to TLC, compelled to see what is next for this family.
I now find myself also seeking out reruns of “Jon & Kate Plus 8”, hoping to decode old episodes to see if there are clues to what is presently happening. As my husband will tell you, I have a need to overanalyze things and try to get to the genesis of all things troublesome. Oh, yeah ~ Scott is one lucky guy! I would like to think that I am putting my Psych degree to good use.
I know that there is a whole other side to this drama that the cameras will never capture. I know that I would never sign up for this and have my guts on display for all the world to examine. I know that the eight kids are sure to suffer in the midst of all this and certain to harbor some resentment when they are old enough to process this nonsense.
I also know that I will tune in again next week. If the producer’s goal was to hook us helpless viewers with the dangling carrot of a deteriorating marriage…mission accomplished. Ah, we are such suckers.
I adore this show. Now, more than ever, I am completely enthralled. I started kinda-sorta watching a few years back at it’s inception, intrigued by the magnitude of their family and how they seemed to pull it all together. I think any parent struggling to toilet train one child or coping with one picky eater is interested in how parents of multiples handle dealing with these issues in bulk.
Plus, it was rather amusing the sort of verbal jousting they engaged in and how despite it all they seemed to have genuine affection for each other. Jon’s rolling eyes, Kate’s mocking attitude, their secretive defiance of each other….all so engaging. Oh, and of course those too cute kids. Cute as a button, all eight of them.
So I would watch this reality show now and again if I happened to stumble upon it, hoping to glean a helpful parenting tidbit or two. I learned, for instance, to stop catering to my own Picky Paige and just serve her what we are having for dinner (parents of multiples just don’t have the time or energy to run a Denny’s out of their kitchen). Paige has yet to starve herself, thank goodness, and has even learned to love mushrooms.
Then the drama hit. Allegations of affairs, infighting, separation and painful coexistence were all the talk and suddenly my passive interest in the show rose to a new level and my interest was quite captured. It was like peering into the window of your perfect neighbors and having an All Access Pass to their pain. It isn’t joy or amusement that I feel at watching all of this transpire - more like simply odd curiosity. The first episode of the season last week had record viewership, everyone wanting to see…would they sit together on the couch, would they address the rumors, would they admit to being in a failing marriage?
So we watched. And waited. And mostly was delivered what we expected, leaving little to speculation. By appearances, we are watching the beginning or middle of a dying relationship. It is with sickening fascination that we watch, but we watch all the same. Perhaps to feel better about our own thriving marriage, possibly to feel superior to this Oh-So-Perfect Kate, maybe just to align ourselves to one of the parties. To me it all feels just plain sad. Yet, there I sit with my family insisting that we click over to TLC, compelled to see what is next for this family.
I now find myself also seeking out reruns of “Jon & Kate Plus 8”, hoping to decode old episodes to see if there are clues to what is presently happening. As my husband will tell you, I have a need to overanalyze things and try to get to the genesis of all things troublesome. Oh, yeah ~ Scott is one lucky guy! I would like to think that I am putting my Psych degree to good use.
I know that there is a whole other side to this drama that the cameras will never capture. I know that I would never sign up for this and have my guts on display for all the world to examine. I know that the eight kids are sure to suffer in the midst of all this and certain to harbor some resentment when they are old enough to process this nonsense.
I also know that I will tune in again next week. If the producer’s goal was to hook us helpless viewers with the dangling carrot of a deteriorating marriage…mission accomplished. Ah, we are such suckers.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Middle Ground
Whew…I just signed off of a heated political debate via Facebook and I am thoroughly exhausted. It wasn’t so much a debate as it was a unrelenting attack on my liberal positions. I should have known better than to step into conservative territory, but since Paige doesn’t need to be picked up from Kindergarten for a few more hours I had some time to kill. Laundry and freelance writing be damned, I was fully engaged in this.
It all started with a discussion about whether the concept of “middle ground” on political topics exist. This is, of course, in light of President Obama’s recent speech at Notre Dame wherein he encouraged the recent graduates to seek middle ground as it relates to heated political topics.
I am of the mindset that middle ground does exist. My dear debating opponents, it seems, did not. In fact, one threw out the comment, “Middle ground? What is that, like half an abortion?”. Naturally, visions of those propaganda images featuring bloodied partially aborted fetuses flashed through the minds eye of all debate participants and future debate was sullied. Seemed like a fairly low blow, as well as off topic, but I let that one slide. My concept of middle ground as it pertains to abortion was more along the lines of an agreed ban on late term abortions or increasing sex education funding as a way to lessen the current abortion rate. Did anyone hear me? I think not.
The debate got nastier from there and I respectfully bowed out. My opponents may very well have seen that as a sign of weakness or a “Ha! Gotcha! What now, liberal?” moment. For my part, I always have a sense for when a debate is fruitful versus hostile and know when to say when. Self-preservation, my friends, and I am not about to let additional personal attacks ruin an otherwise sunny and productive day.
However, I sincerely resent the diminishing mass of conservatives viewing us liberals as the sadly misguided, poor uninformed, desperately-needing-to-see-the light fools. Most liberals I know have come to their position by educating themselves and engaging in due diligence when it comes to controversial topics. In this case, prayer just isn’t gonna cut it.
Further, most liberals have a real understanding of the positions of conservatives while at the same time vehemently disagreeing and holding their ground. Conservatives, on the other hand, see the opposing viewpoint as simply wrong and the person holding said position just needs to be enlightened. No, thank you. Really…no thank you.
Oh, and the benevolent offers to pray for my soul as well? I’m good. But those children suffering abuse at the hands of their caretakers or soldiers on the front lines in Iraq or angst laden teenagers contemplating suicide? Kindly send your prayers their way.
It all started with a discussion about whether the concept of “middle ground” on political topics exist. This is, of course, in light of President Obama’s recent speech at Notre Dame wherein he encouraged the recent graduates to seek middle ground as it relates to heated political topics.
I am of the mindset that middle ground does exist. My dear debating opponents, it seems, did not. In fact, one threw out the comment, “Middle ground? What is that, like half an abortion?”. Naturally, visions of those propaganda images featuring bloodied partially aborted fetuses flashed through the minds eye of all debate participants and future debate was sullied. Seemed like a fairly low blow, as well as off topic, but I let that one slide. My concept of middle ground as it pertains to abortion was more along the lines of an agreed ban on late term abortions or increasing sex education funding as a way to lessen the current abortion rate. Did anyone hear me? I think not.
The debate got nastier from there and I respectfully bowed out. My opponents may very well have seen that as a sign of weakness or a “Ha! Gotcha! What now, liberal?” moment. For my part, I always have a sense for when a debate is fruitful versus hostile and know when to say when. Self-preservation, my friends, and I am not about to let additional personal attacks ruin an otherwise sunny and productive day.
However, I sincerely resent the diminishing mass of conservatives viewing us liberals as the sadly misguided, poor uninformed, desperately-needing-to-see-the light fools. Most liberals I know have come to their position by educating themselves and engaging in due diligence when it comes to controversial topics. In this case, prayer just isn’t gonna cut it.
Further, most liberals have a real understanding of the positions of conservatives while at the same time vehemently disagreeing and holding their ground. Conservatives, on the other hand, see the opposing viewpoint as simply wrong and the person holding said position just needs to be enlightened. No, thank you. Really…no thank you.
Oh, and the benevolent offers to pray for my soul as well? I’m good. But those children suffering abuse at the hands of their caretakers or soldiers on the front lines in Iraq or angst laden teenagers contemplating suicide? Kindly send your prayers their way.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Believe it ~ You Can Go Home Again
Not long ago I was back in my hometown Arlington Heights, Illinois and, as always, just being there stirred up wonderful memories and feelings. I was there to take my mother-in-law, Audrey, in for a routine colonoscopy and had some time to kill between the drop off and the pick up. I took the opportunity not to do something productive as I usually would, like clean Audrey’s bathrooms or walk her dogs. I decided to be completely indulgent and take my own personal stroll down memory lane. Because I have been best friends with my husband, Scott, since age 12 many of these are memories that we share as a couple, making them all the sweeter.
I started off at Arlington High School, driving on both the Ridge Avenue and Walnut Avenue sides of the campus. I remembered “borrowing” my brother’s white Vega when I was 14 (okay, I stole it while he was hung over) and driving by the school, certain that everyone would see what hot stuff I was. I remembered walking the nearly 1 ½ miles to campus one warm 1980 fall day wearing spike heeled clogs, sure that my feet were bleeding beneath me, but more sure that fashion always took precedence over comfort. I remembered going to the very top bleachers of the Grace Gym and making out with my boyfriend when I should have been on the lower level of the school at lunch. To this day I remember the halls of that school as though I passed through them just yesterday.
My journey through Arlington Heights progressed to downtown, which I just barely recognize anymore. What used to be a sleepy Chicago suburb is now home to soaring condos and chichi bistros. The folks walking the streets downtown are no longer families with 3 or 4 or 5 kids heading to Hagenbrings for new spring clothing, but rather ambitious young professionals and the occasional gay couple. There remains only snippets of my old world, like the Dunton House restaurant or the amazing community library. I paused in front of each grand establishment, allowing the memories to wash over me.
I trekked back to my childhood home on Dunton Avenue and on my way saw where large McMansions have replaced many of the smaller 3 bedroom/2 bath homes. I saw houses where I went to parties and parks where we went to drink Southern Comfort we had swiped from our parent’s basement bar. I saw the elementary school where I threw up in the hallway in 5th grade and just knew my life was over at that moment. I drove by the junior high school where I first met Scott, clearly not knowing then that this skinny, smiling, goofy boy would one day be my beloved life partner. Finally on Dunton Avenue my childhood home looked smaller than I recalled, but the rush of love and nostalgia I felt at simply viewing it was indescribable. I resisted the urge to knock on the door and demand to be let in my home, but still can’t believe someone else has taken up residence in my house.
It was time to head back to Northwest Community Hospital, to retrieve Audrey and settle her back at her home with her two endlessly annoying and still-peeing-in-the-house poodles. Listening to what they now claim is the “oldies” station I made my way back south on Kennicott Avenue, still somewhat lost in 1972 (“Day After Day” by Badfinger”) or perhaps 1977 (“I’m In You” by Peter Frampton), or maybe it was 1981 (“Urgent” by Foreigner). I was all smiles, so giddy with memories that I couldn’t wait to rush back to my own home several suburbs to the west and coerce Scott to join me on this stroll down Memory Lane. Hubby is more of a “look to the future guy” rather than a “focus on the past man“, but we were gonna reminisce damnit!
Then, in the midst of my musing and driving I saw it. Right there, parked in the front of a tidy brick ranch house, was the exact car I learned to drive in. Same color (kind of copper/gold), same model (Caprice Classic) and same year (1978). It was as though the spirits were following me on this journey and simply to amuse themselves they dropped this auto in front of me. I was stunned to the point that I actually stopped my SUV, much to the annoyance of another mammoth SUV driver directly behind me, who promptly gave me the finger. I got chills just looking at this car, sure that it was a mighty sign from above. As I stared, my heart suddenly pounding, I saw it…
AV license plates. AV as in “Antique Vehicle”. AV?! Antique?! It was just yesterday, or maybe 10 years ago, 15 at the most that I learned to drive in that car. Right? Let’s see ~ ~ I am 45 years old and learned to drive at age 16, so that would be…umm….29 years ago. No!! It can’t be. Let me check that again ~ April 2009 minus October 1963 equals 45, minus spring 1979 equals…Antique Vehicle. It was like a cruel slap in the face, this aging vehicle staring back at me with it’s a.m. radio featuring WLS and it’s bench seats so perfect for canoodling on dates. I am snapped back to reality and the joys of routine mammograms and mortgages and child rearing. If I choose to now I can buy my own Southern Comfort and parks are now for swinging not swigging. Shoes are a comfortable necessity in this stage of my life and heels are reserved only for date night. I am the antique and my kids are not likely to dispute that.
Like the 1978 Caprice Classic I would like to think I have aged well. But you know what? With every passing year it matters less and less, because there is just no stopping the passage of time. Botox be damned and time marches forward. Those memories of Arlington Heights, though, are amazingly priceless. And the next time Audrey needs my taxi services the peeing poodles will just have to wait as this jaunt into my precious past has just begun.
I started off at Arlington High School, driving on both the Ridge Avenue and Walnut Avenue sides of the campus. I remembered “borrowing” my brother’s white Vega when I was 14 (okay, I stole it while he was hung over) and driving by the school, certain that everyone would see what hot stuff I was. I remembered walking the nearly 1 ½ miles to campus one warm 1980 fall day wearing spike heeled clogs, sure that my feet were bleeding beneath me, but more sure that fashion always took precedence over comfort. I remembered going to the very top bleachers of the Grace Gym and making out with my boyfriend when I should have been on the lower level of the school at lunch. To this day I remember the halls of that school as though I passed through them just yesterday.
My journey through Arlington Heights progressed to downtown, which I just barely recognize anymore. What used to be a sleepy Chicago suburb is now home to soaring condos and chichi bistros. The folks walking the streets downtown are no longer families with 3 or 4 or 5 kids heading to Hagenbrings for new spring clothing, but rather ambitious young professionals and the occasional gay couple. There remains only snippets of my old world, like the Dunton House restaurant or the amazing community library. I paused in front of each grand establishment, allowing the memories to wash over me.
I trekked back to my childhood home on Dunton Avenue and on my way saw where large McMansions have replaced many of the smaller 3 bedroom/2 bath homes. I saw houses where I went to parties and parks where we went to drink Southern Comfort we had swiped from our parent’s basement bar. I saw the elementary school where I threw up in the hallway in 5th grade and just knew my life was over at that moment. I drove by the junior high school where I first met Scott, clearly not knowing then that this skinny, smiling, goofy boy would one day be my beloved life partner. Finally on Dunton Avenue my childhood home looked smaller than I recalled, but the rush of love and nostalgia I felt at simply viewing it was indescribable. I resisted the urge to knock on the door and demand to be let in my home, but still can’t believe someone else has taken up residence in my house.
It was time to head back to Northwest Community Hospital, to retrieve Audrey and settle her back at her home with her two endlessly annoying and still-peeing-in-the-house poodles. Listening to what they now claim is the “oldies” station I made my way back south on Kennicott Avenue, still somewhat lost in 1972 (“Day After Day” by Badfinger”) or perhaps 1977 (“I’m In You” by Peter Frampton), or maybe it was 1981 (“Urgent” by Foreigner). I was all smiles, so giddy with memories that I couldn’t wait to rush back to my own home several suburbs to the west and coerce Scott to join me on this stroll down Memory Lane. Hubby is more of a “look to the future guy” rather than a “focus on the past man“, but we were gonna reminisce damnit!
Then, in the midst of my musing and driving I saw it. Right there, parked in the front of a tidy brick ranch house, was the exact car I learned to drive in. Same color (kind of copper/gold), same model (Caprice Classic) and same year (1978). It was as though the spirits were following me on this journey and simply to amuse themselves they dropped this auto in front of me. I was stunned to the point that I actually stopped my SUV, much to the annoyance of another mammoth SUV driver directly behind me, who promptly gave me the finger. I got chills just looking at this car, sure that it was a mighty sign from above. As I stared, my heart suddenly pounding, I saw it…
AV license plates. AV as in “Antique Vehicle”. AV?! Antique?! It was just yesterday, or maybe 10 years ago, 15 at the most that I learned to drive in that car. Right? Let’s see ~ ~ I am 45 years old and learned to drive at age 16, so that would be…umm….29 years ago. No!! It can’t be. Let me check that again ~ April 2009 minus October 1963 equals 45, minus spring 1979 equals…Antique Vehicle. It was like a cruel slap in the face, this aging vehicle staring back at me with it’s a.m. radio featuring WLS and it’s bench seats so perfect for canoodling on dates. I am snapped back to reality and the joys of routine mammograms and mortgages and child rearing. If I choose to now I can buy my own Southern Comfort and parks are now for swinging not swigging. Shoes are a comfortable necessity in this stage of my life and heels are reserved only for date night. I am the antique and my kids are not likely to dispute that.
Like the 1978 Caprice Classic I would like to think I have aged well. But you know what? With every passing year it matters less and less, because there is just no stopping the passage of time. Botox be damned and time marches forward. Those memories of Arlington Heights, though, are amazingly priceless. And the next time Audrey needs my taxi services the peeing poodles will just have to wait as this jaunt into my precious past has just begun.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Clipping Coupons Sucks...Or Does It?
Okay, Family, let’s economize! Come on, it will be fun ~ ~ BIG fun! I can practically hear the whoops, whistles & cheers.
I’ll admit, that’s not exactly how it all went down around here on Canyon Lane when I lost my job last May. There were tears (mine), concerned portfolio review (Scott) and general whining (kids). Since that moment 10 months ago we have sincerely rallied ’round and are making things really work. Our new life is different from our old life, but it is not inferior. Just….different. And as a courtesy to all of you, I am willing to let loose with some of our family secrets and hope that they will be of benefit to your own little world.
JUST WAIT
No, not as in “just wait ‘til your father gets home” or “just wait ‘til you have kids of your own” (not that those phrases never hit the walls of our home). More like, just wait to get your hair cut. Just wait to see that first run movie. Just wait until something goes on sale. Just wait to buy a new car. Several months ago we found ourselves just too busy to get the dog groomed and so we bathed and brushed her ourselves. It was no big deal and actually quite fun for the kids. Lightbulb!! If each of us (dog included) skipped just two hair cuts per year (waiting 2 months between cuts rather that our usual 6 weeks) we would save $300 in a year. Of course, this was an easy sell to our 16 year old budding rock star, Bradley, whose current mission is to cultivate a Peter Frampton-ish (circa 1976, of course) blond mane. Still, $300 is serious cash! Wait once a month until that first run movie hits HBO? Save another $600 per year! I’m liking this.
CUT BACK, DON’T CUT OUT
One of our special treats each weekend was for Scott & I to take Paige out for a big breakfast each Saturday after her gymnastics class. The tab wasn’t huge ($35 or so), but we decided to review this practice all the same. Our new tradition is to go out for breakfast only once per month and on the other Saturdays we hit this local donut shop that makes amazing homemade donuts that run us only $6.00 per dozen. This shift has resulted in a savings of about $1,000 over the course of the year. Again…liking this!
KEEP WHAT IS IMPORTANT
There are certain areas of spending that we have opted just not to touch, for various and personal reasons. For instance, Paige’s gymnastics and ballet classes. The joy and personal development that she realizes from these classes is well worth the cost. We will not, however, be adding any additional activities to her schedule and will limit her to just two for the near future. We also hold great value to travel and have not yet given up our one big vacation of the year. We do keep to a schedule and a budget, and the kids had an amazing time at Mount Rushmore this past summer. We have also maintained Date Night. Oh, and Scott’s Budweiser supply is not to be toyed with (or as he calls it “12 full ounces of cool, refreshing marital therapy”….he is kidding, right?).
PAY ATTENTION
Look around you and you can literally see your home eating up electricity and, thus, your hard earned dollars. Pay attention to what is going on around you and make changes where you can, such as:
--Open the dishwasher before the drying cycle begins & allow the dishes to air dry
--Turn off lights (duh)
--Don’t dry your clothes in the dryer until they are crackling with static, but rather take them out just a smidge short of full on dry
--Use your slow cooker rather than your oven
--Train the kids to take shorter showers (no kidding, Kayla once took a one hour shower)
Adjustments like this can save you about $800 per year or more.
GROW UP & PAY UP
Allow the older kids to pitch in for what they want. I say “allow” rather than “make” because I think you are giving children a great gift when you give them tools to help themselves and they can feel the supreme thrill of self-sufficiency. Want a new cell phone? Help pay the bill. Want a $75 pair of shoes, rather than the $35 ones I have selected? Then you can pay the $40 difference. I have watched in awe as the kids take great care with items that they have helped to purchase, while the stuff I buy gets tossed to the floor, stepped on & abused.
SPEAK UP
Now more than ever, there is no shame in watching carefully where your money goes. Talk to your friends and family, share your stories, and work together to weather this storm. Every week for the past several months someone I know has lost their job. This is absolutely not an exaggeration. Some of these people are near & dear to me (my brother) and some are simply casual or online acquaintances. Know what I have noticed across the board? No one panics. No one freaks out. No one loses their temper. Every one of these people seems to have almost made peace with their unemployment before it even happened. There are honest, forthright, and engaging conversations that have ensued. “If you know anyone looking for a Financial Analyst, give them my number”, “Do you know how to file for Unemployment?”, “Should I put this volunteer job on my resume?”, “I am feeling good today, thanks for listening” and “This may just be the best thing that ever happened to me”. Conversations you never would have dreamed of having ten years ago, such as concern about paying the bills, are as common now as nonsensical small talk about Brittany Spears or the newest Starbucks delight. I find this new and honest atmosphere so refreshing, don’t you?
Ya know, the tide will turn. I am sure of it. I think we have been too spoiled for too long and this is now the end of the road. Look at the blessings in your life and build from there. More importantly, know that you are not alone. And never will be.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Date Night Revisited
So, the Economic Recovery House Meeting/Scott + Sue Date Night of two weeks ago (yeah…so on top of this blog) was amazing.
The meeting was held in Batavia, Illinois on the second floor of an older, riverfront tavern. This wasn’t the closest meeting to us, geographically speaking, but it certainly posed the most intriguing invitation (read: alcohol was served). There was a relaxed, yet energizing mood pulsating about the room. The first order of business was a round of introductions. About 25 of us took a shot at standing in front of the mini-crowd and explaining what has brought us to the meeting. Most spoke out of fear ~ “I haven’t opened my 401K statement since last year”. “What if I can’t find a job when I graduate?”, “Business has been so slow lately”, “What are we leaving for my grandchildren?”, and more. The room contained more women than men and the average age was about 55. I guess I was expecting a younger crowd, but frankly I was just happy to see so many warm and welcoming faces. At my turn I spoke about how I was there for selfish reasons -- that so much of what is happening lately is hitting much too close to home, as my husband is self-employed, I am now unemployed, we have college-bound teenagers (plus a kindergartener) and we carry our own health insurance….quite the cocktail for economic uncertainty. Diane, a substitute teacher married to an accountant, whispered to me, “You know, years ago we just never spoke about these things! Finances were private and even if you weren’t faring well you kept it to yourself. That is all changing.”. So true, Diane.
After the round of introductions we were treated to two videos: one by President Barack Obama and one by Governor Tim Kaine. Both were inspiring, thought provoking and informative. Still, many more questions remain unanswered such as when will this crisis pass, what can we do individually to help and what does the proposed stimulus package mean to us?
Following the two videos we broke out into smaller groups of about 6 each and were instructed to discuss individual topics (e.g., the environment, Wall Street, health care) and come up with a plan as to how to help the Democratic Party (and, in turn, the community and nation as a whole). Our little group performed miserably with our assignment….D- for us. Honestly, we didn’t have any answers. At some point I wanted to holler over to the moderator, “Hey! If Washington does not have a clear path what makes you think we do?”. Alas, I did not and we moved on to chatting about what an arrogant ass Rush Limbaugh is or how anyone can take Ann Coulter seriously. It was great fun to be surrounded by like-minded folks who were as desperate for answers as we were.
While this non-traditional date night was fun for both Scott and I (dinner later at California Pizza Kitchen was lovely as well), it left us searching for more. We are unwilling to wait for this Economic Stimulus package to step in like a virtual super-hero & save all of us financially. We, like our cohorts at the tavern, want to know what we as individuals can do to get this all back on track. Do we shop local vendors? Do we rearrange our investment portfolio? Do we donate more to the local food pantry? What what what?!?!
We still have no answers and, as of today, no stimulus package ready to swoop in to save us all. If you have answers, kindly share with the rest of the class. Until then, we will anxiously await the next meeting (if we get invited again, refer to the aforementioned failed group project) and I will then share with you.
I promise ~ ~ the next blog will be so much more cheerful…even if I have to bore you with stories about my kids, dog & husband!
The meeting was held in Batavia, Illinois on the second floor of an older, riverfront tavern. This wasn’t the closest meeting to us, geographically speaking, but it certainly posed the most intriguing invitation (read: alcohol was served). There was a relaxed, yet energizing mood pulsating about the room. The first order of business was a round of introductions. About 25 of us took a shot at standing in front of the mini-crowd and explaining what has brought us to the meeting. Most spoke out of fear ~ “I haven’t opened my 401K statement since last year”. “What if I can’t find a job when I graduate?”, “Business has been so slow lately”, “What are we leaving for my grandchildren?”, and more. The room contained more women than men and the average age was about 55. I guess I was expecting a younger crowd, but frankly I was just happy to see so many warm and welcoming faces. At my turn I spoke about how I was there for selfish reasons -- that so much of what is happening lately is hitting much too close to home, as my husband is self-employed, I am now unemployed, we have college-bound teenagers (plus a kindergartener) and we carry our own health insurance….quite the cocktail for economic uncertainty. Diane, a substitute teacher married to an accountant, whispered to me, “You know, years ago we just never spoke about these things! Finances were private and even if you weren’t faring well you kept it to yourself. That is all changing.”. So true, Diane.
After the round of introductions we were treated to two videos: one by President Barack Obama and one by Governor Tim Kaine. Both were inspiring, thought provoking and informative. Still, many more questions remain unanswered such as when will this crisis pass, what can we do individually to help and what does the proposed stimulus package mean to us?
Following the two videos we broke out into smaller groups of about 6 each and were instructed to discuss individual topics (e.g., the environment, Wall Street, health care) and come up with a plan as to how to help the Democratic Party (and, in turn, the community and nation as a whole). Our little group performed miserably with our assignment….D- for us. Honestly, we didn’t have any answers. At some point I wanted to holler over to the moderator, “Hey! If Washington does not have a clear path what makes you think we do?”. Alas, I did not and we moved on to chatting about what an arrogant ass Rush Limbaugh is or how anyone can take Ann Coulter seriously. It was great fun to be surrounded by like-minded folks who were as desperate for answers as we were.
While this non-traditional date night was fun for both Scott and I (dinner later at California Pizza Kitchen was lovely as well), it left us searching for more. We are unwilling to wait for this Economic Stimulus package to step in like a virtual super-hero & save all of us financially. We, like our cohorts at the tavern, want to know what we as individuals can do to get this all back on track. Do we shop local vendors? Do we rearrange our investment portfolio? Do we donate more to the local food pantry? What what what?!?!
We still have no answers and, as of today, no stimulus package ready to swoop in to save us all. If you have answers, kindly share with the rest of the class. Until then, we will anxiously await the next meeting (if we get invited again, refer to the aforementioned failed group project) and I will then share with you.
I promise ~ ~ the next blog will be so much more cheerful…even if I have to bore you with stories about my kids, dog & husband!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Date Night
In a non-stop effort to Keep The Love Alive in our marriage, Scott and I take special pains to make sure that we have date night every few weeks or so. Sure, we usually end up talking about the kids or the business or other topics that marriage experts claim should be verboten during these romantic interludes, but that is just what our lives are all about these days. And frankly, just being out of the house and having dinner without hostile teenagers or a six year old diva who will melt at the very thought of Chez Restaurant not having pink crayons (Blue! Brown! An outrage -- Garcon, some assistance please!) is treat enough for the two of us. A little lingering, some hand holding, sharing a decadent dessert…..we live for these brief moments.
So this Friday will be date night once again for the two of us. Can I hear an AMEN?! This week, though, we are trying something different. No elegant restaurant, no R rated movie, no stroll through the park. This Friday we are going to….drum roll, please…to an “Economic Recovery House Meeting” as brought to us by the fine people at www.mybarackobama.com. I can not tell you how sincerely we are both looking forward to getting out, stretching our brains and really networking with other intellectuals (perhaps pseudo-intellectuals -- I‘ll let you know!). As the invitation email states, it is time for all us to all step up and do our part to turn around the economic situation in this country. We can not sit idly by and pray that our elected officials put into place what they so vehemently promised to us just a few short months ago. Now is the time to not only hold their collective feet to the fire, but also time that we become champions and activists for our own best interests. For the moment, and at least until we attend the meeting in two days, I am not 100% certain how that will play out in our day-to-day lives. What I can tell you with certainty, though, is that both Scott & I are no longer willing to simply be passengers on this train and now insist on being part of the solution.
Yes, this will be a completely different sort of date night for us. Somehow, though, I feel as though this sort of rallying spirit will make our marriage stronger. There is something magical when you are married about putting your collective heads together and share a common vision. It could be a financial vision, a religious purpose, a parenting choice or something much more complex. Doing so reminds you why you married this person and reassures you that you are never going it alone. Sometimes these visions are intrinsically the same and sometimes they merge through the process of negotiation and time.
Seriously, I don’t know what I would have done had I fallen in love with a Republican. Or worse still…and I shudder at this thought…someone apathetic.
To date night!!! {insert wine glasses clinking & Sinatra music}
So this Friday will be date night once again for the two of us. Can I hear an AMEN?! This week, though, we are trying something different. No elegant restaurant, no R rated movie, no stroll through the park. This Friday we are going to….drum roll, please…to an “Economic Recovery House Meeting” as brought to us by the fine people at www.mybarackobama.com. I can not tell you how sincerely we are both looking forward to getting out, stretching our brains and really networking with other intellectuals (perhaps pseudo-intellectuals -- I‘ll let you know!). As the invitation email states, it is time for all us to all step up and do our part to turn around the economic situation in this country. We can not sit idly by and pray that our elected officials put into place what they so vehemently promised to us just a few short months ago. Now is the time to not only hold their collective feet to the fire, but also time that we become champions and activists for our own best interests. For the moment, and at least until we attend the meeting in two days, I am not 100% certain how that will play out in our day-to-day lives. What I can tell you with certainty, though, is that both Scott & I are no longer willing to simply be passengers on this train and now insist on being part of the solution.
Yes, this will be a completely different sort of date night for us. Somehow, though, I feel as though this sort of rallying spirit will make our marriage stronger. There is something magical when you are married about putting your collective heads together and share a common vision. It could be a financial vision, a religious purpose, a parenting choice or something much more complex. Doing so reminds you why you married this person and reassures you that you are never going it alone. Sometimes these visions are intrinsically the same and sometimes they merge through the process of negotiation and time.
Seriously, I don’t know what I would have done had I fallen in love with a Republican. Or worse still…and I shudder at this thought…someone apathetic.
To date night!!! {insert wine glasses clinking & Sinatra music}
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Whose Your Buddy? Whose Your Pal?
Oprah says we should “Live Our Best Life” and this mantra can be found on all things Oprah ~ magazine, satellite radio program, daytime television show, feminine product line. Wait…she has not hit that market yet. Stay tuned. Anyhoo, she and her cult are likely on to something. It really should not take a multi-gazillionaire mogul to chant this to you, but while we are listening to her we may as well take heed.
I have always thought it peculiar that people always treat others better than they treat themselves. Still, I am as guilty of this offense as the next mom/wife/employee/neighbor. We give this fabulous advice to our kids or sisters or PTA cohorts, yet fail to follow this same advice as it applies to our own lives. Why is that? It seems we can chastise Sally to dump her unemployed boyfriend or support Mandy in her pursuit of an interior design career, while our own relationships collapse around us and we continue to toil away at a career that at this point is nothing more than a paycheck….and a crappy one at that. It is time, My Friends, to become your own best friend! Not in a creepy, never-leaving-the-basement, self-absorbed kind of way. But in the way that allows you to treat yourself kindly, to forgive your own human sins, or to coax yourself out of a less than ideal circumstance.
Have you ever sincerely examined the real issues of your life and wondered what a true friend would say to you? She (or he) would never call you a fat loser pig for indulging in some raw cookie dough. Still, this is our own self-dialogue. A real pal would never tell you that you are too imperfect to apply for that management position within your company. Yet, “Loser, Underachiever, Slacker” repeats through your head like an evil twin every time you think of making that long trek to the Human Resources Department to examine this amazing possibility. Would you ever in a million years say those same belittling things to someone you truly cared for? No….and neither would I. If you are engaging in this destructive behavior, stop it this minute. I mean it…done….finished! Just as I am hollering this loving advice to you, I will listen to it myself.
I am not perfect, my husband is not perfect and my kids are not perfect. Hell, the world is not perfect -- just ask the mother of a slain child or a sexual assault victim or someone losing their precious home to foreclosure. The key is to deal with the circumstance you have been presented with and be kind to yourself as you work through it to the best of your ability. Patience, too, will be key.
Yep - Live Your Best Life, just as the Big O says. And start that journey with the kindness you always reserve for others and heap it upon yourself. Believe me, you can never have too many BFFs ~ ~ even if the biggest, bestest one is looking right back at you in the mirror.
I have always thought it peculiar that people always treat others better than they treat themselves. Still, I am as guilty of this offense as the next mom/wife/employee/neighbor. We give this fabulous advice to our kids or sisters or PTA cohorts, yet fail to follow this same advice as it applies to our own lives. Why is that? It seems we can chastise Sally to dump her unemployed boyfriend or support Mandy in her pursuit of an interior design career, while our own relationships collapse around us and we continue to toil away at a career that at this point is nothing more than a paycheck….and a crappy one at that. It is time, My Friends, to become your own best friend! Not in a creepy, never-leaving-the-basement, self-absorbed kind of way. But in the way that allows you to treat yourself kindly, to forgive your own human sins, or to coax yourself out of a less than ideal circumstance.
Have you ever sincerely examined the real issues of your life and wondered what a true friend would say to you? She (or he) would never call you a fat loser pig for indulging in some raw cookie dough. Still, this is our own self-dialogue. A real pal would never tell you that you are too imperfect to apply for that management position within your company. Yet, “Loser, Underachiever, Slacker” repeats through your head like an evil twin every time you think of making that long trek to the Human Resources Department to examine this amazing possibility. Would you ever in a million years say those same belittling things to someone you truly cared for? No….and neither would I. If you are engaging in this destructive behavior, stop it this minute. I mean it…done….finished! Just as I am hollering this loving advice to you, I will listen to it myself.
I am not perfect, my husband is not perfect and my kids are not perfect. Hell, the world is not perfect -- just ask the mother of a slain child or a sexual assault victim or someone losing their precious home to foreclosure. The key is to deal with the circumstance you have been presented with and be kind to yourself as you work through it to the best of your ability. Patience, too, will be key.
Yep - Live Your Best Life, just as the Big O says. And start that journey with the kindness you always reserve for others and heap it upon yourself. Believe me, you can never have too many BFFs ~ ~ even if the biggest, bestest one is looking right back at you in the mirror.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Life Is Too Short
2009.…so this is it? Not bad so far. As always, I am a bit behind the curve on this whole “New Years Resolution” deal. But I have given the concept great thought this time around and things will really change this year. Not just because Barack Obama will be taking office (can I hear an “AMEN”??) or that Kayla will be leaving the nest this summer or that economy will continue to keep all of us on edge. Yes, those things are sure to be in the 2009 cocktail of our life, but the real change has come from a shifting of our collective mindset and the way we are viewing our currently unstable world.
To that end, there is no New Years Resolution list. In it’s place, here is my “Life Is Too Short To…” list.
Life is too short…To not really get to know your neighbors and make them a substantial part of your life. These are the people that will grow old with you, that will notice if you have not picked up your newspaper, that will watch over your house as you head to your father’s funeral, that will cut your lawn should you fall ill. To not make the very best of these relationships is downright foolish.
Life is too short…To carry around regret. Regret is a wasted emotion that benefits no one and taints past memories. For the most part, people do the very best they can given the circumstances of that moment in their life. Be nice to yourself and move on.
Life is too short…
To hold onto anger. The person you are cursing, that did you wrong, that hurt your feelings or stepped on your toes has moved on with their life. Do you really think that they give you a second thought? Your anger does not affect their day-to-day movements and only acts like a weight around your own soul. Let it go. You do not need to even make peace with the other person or let them know that you have chosen to put the past behind you. Make it a silent gift to yourself.
Life is too short…
To ignore a teachable moment with your children. When your kids ask you a question, give them a real answer in place of a quick or easy answer. This applies not only to your preschooler or third grader, but will prove to be just as important to you teenager or young adult. Take a deep breath, take your time and really explain why Grandpa died or why we can’t afford the latest cell phone this time around or why underage drinking is a poor personal choice. If you give a comprehensive, real answer the first time you are asked you are also less likely to field similar questions in the near future.
Life is too short…To put your marriage on the back burner. Scott & I go away (just the two of us!) about 3 or four times a year. Usually it is just to a nice hotel or resort within a few hours drive from our house. Once there, we may explore the town, go bowling, head to a museum or just stay put in the hotel for 3 full days. People always ask why we do this or what exactly we are doing on these excursions. Obviously, there is a bit of passion that we indulge in (seriously, what is better than hotel sex?!), but mostly we do a whole lot of talking. Not the kind of chit chat we have at home over dinner, or the drive-by conversations we have as one of us is rushing out the door. Those talks are primarily business in nature…”Did you pick up Bradley’s medication?”, “Don’t forget ballet class is tonight”, “Your brother called last night” or “We’re out of toilet paper”. No, these weekend talks are long, drawn out real conversations. We’ll sit at a bistro and talk endlessly about where we want to go on our next vacation. We’ll walk along the beach, holding hands, dreaming together about the boat we want to buy. We’ll lay in bed, reminiscing about all the goofiness from our childhood. Or we will drive around some small town, wondering aloud why someone would chose to live in this particular TinyTown, USA, especially when there is no McDonalds, Walgreens or Starbucks within 100 miles. It is a blessed few days that sustains us and keeps us endlessly connected. I highly recommend just such a weekend for you and your special someone.
To that end, there is no New Years Resolution list. In it’s place, here is my “Life Is Too Short To…” list.
Life is too short…To not really get to know your neighbors and make them a substantial part of your life. These are the people that will grow old with you, that will notice if you have not picked up your newspaper, that will watch over your house as you head to your father’s funeral, that will cut your lawn should you fall ill. To not make the very best of these relationships is downright foolish.
Life is too short…To carry around regret. Regret is a wasted emotion that benefits no one and taints past memories. For the most part, people do the very best they can given the circumstances of that moment in their life. Be nice to yourself and move on.
Life is too short…
To hold onto anger. The person you are cursing, that did you wrong, that hurt your feelings or stepped on your toes has moved on with their life. Do you really think that they give you a second thought? Your anger does not affect their day-to-day movements and only acts like a weight around your own soul. Let it go. You do not need to even make peace with the other person or let them know that you have chosen to put the past behind you. Make it a silent gift to yourself.
Life is too short…
To ignore a teachable moment with your children. When your kids ask you a question, give them a real answer in place of a quick or easy answer. This applies not only to your preschooler or third grader, but will prove to be just as important to you teenager or young adult. Take a deep breath, take your time and really explain why Grandpa died or why we can’t afford the latest cell phone this time around or why underage drinking is a poor personal choice. If you give a comprehensive, real answer the first time you are asked you are also less likely to field similar questions in the near future.
Life is too short…To put your marriage on the back burner. Scott & I go away (just the two of us!) about 3 or four times a year. Usually it is just to a nice hotel or resort within a few hours drive from our house. Once there, we may explore the town, go bowling, head to a museum or just stay put in the hotel for 3 full days. People always ask why we do this or what exactly we are doing on these excursions. Obviously, there is a bit of passion that we indulge in (seriously, what is better than hotel sex?!), but mostly we do a whole lot of talking. Not the kind of chit chat we have at home over dinner, or the drive-by conversations we have as one of us is rushing out the door. Those talks are primarily business in nature…”Did you pick up Bradley’s medication?”, “Don’t forget ballet class is tonight”, “Your brother called last night” or “We’re out of toilet paper”. No, these weekend talks are long, drawn out real conversations. We’ll sit at a bistro and talk endlessly about where we want to go on our next vacation. We’ll walk along the beach, holding hands, dreaming together about the boat we want to buy. We’ll lay in bed, reminiscing about all the goofiness from our childhood. Or we will drive around some small town, wondering aloud why someone would chose to live in this particular TinyTown, USA, especially when there is no McDonalds, Walgreens or Starbucks within 100 miles. It is a blessed few days that sustains us and keeps us endlessly connected. I highly recommend just such a weekend for you and your special someone.
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