My family can’t multi-task, dammit. It is driving me a little bit crazy. The other day I was stirring oatmeal on the stove with my right hand while unloading the silverware from the dishwasher with my left hand. If I had an extra hand or could manipulate my toes like a primate, I can guarantee I would be accomplishing some third mundane task as well. And try as I might, I can’t seem to get these other 4 people in this house to MOVE IT ALONG. Even Misty The Wonder Dog poops a bit slowly for my liking. Sniffing for the perfect spot to unload your business -- is this really necessary? Honestly, I don’t know what my big hurry is ~ ~ step it up so that I can get what, exactly, accomplished? Living in a house as rambunctious as our feels like shoveling snow in the midst of a blizzard. For every juice box I retrieve from the kitchen table, two more will materialize. For every 2 socks I save from Bradley’s floor, 6 more will appear. For every newspaper section I retrieve from….oh, wait….that’s me, the newspaper reader. But you get my point.
Scott The Amazing Husband is just about the worst, as far a slow moving goes. He is laid back, nearly to a fault. It’s funny, what I just adored about him as we were dating -- easygoing, even tempered, punctilious -- is driving me just nutty about right now. Come on, buddy, get a little fire in your belly! Must it take 3 minutes to back the car out of the driveway? Move it, move it, move it! The more I bitch, the more he intentionally begins to act like a two toed sloth walking uphill backwards while blindfolded. This sort of passive aggressive behavior amuses only him. Needles to say, he absolutely can not multi-task. If I ask him a series of question…”Hey, how about chicken for dinner? And ya wanna watch that Bruce Willis movie tonight? Oh, did you get the mail yet?”…his response is a predictable “Uh huh”. Excuse me?! Uh Huh to WHAT? So I have to back up, slowly enunciate each question and patiently await his slow and deliberate response. I…..am….Scott…responding… so…..very….slowly…until…I….drive…you…insane.
Good grief, by the time all syllables leave his slow motion lips I could care less about the damn chicken and I am out the door to get the mail myself.
They did some sort of multi-tasking study awhile back and the results seems to show that doing many things at once does not expedite all tasks, but actually takes more time overall. Poppycock. I don’t buy it. Maybe this scenario works if both tasks are complex, but in my Stay At Home Mom world, many tasks are just simply banal and repetitive. Laundry….every day. Cooking…three times a day. Pick up miscellaneous junk in every room of the house…daily. Drive people here, there and everywhere…all the time. So if I can do more than one thing at once, why wouldn’t I? Ya know, I am not exactly doing brain surgery in this house ~ more like brain draining. I just try to keep these dawdling single-taskers dressed, fed and healthy. Oh, and happy too. I didn’t mention that? Really? Yes, that is at the top of the list ~ happy, happy, joy, joy. Even if it means pouring bowls of cereal while calling my Mother on the phone while picking up Polly Pockets with my oh so limber toes.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Living With The WHENS
Are you suffering from a case of the ‘whens’? You know…My love-life will improve when I lose weight. I will get a more satisfying job when I finish my degree. Things will feel more peaceful when the kids leave home. You keep waiting for the ‘when’ to hit, but what are you doing in the meantime?
The other day it occurred to me that I had nothing big I was looking forward to…no ‘when’ hanging out there. My marriage is great, the three kids okee dokee, dog hasn’t yet puked on the good furniture, I’ve made peace with my stay-at-home situation, Scott’s business is taking off. I am still looking forward to small joys, like Christmas or our next vacation or paying off the mortgage. But nothing big is looming in my future. What then if there is no ‘when’?
When I was 15 I wanted to be 16 so I could drive. When I was 16 I wanted to be 18 so I could vote. When I was 18 I wanted to be 21 so I could drink. When I was 21 I wanted to be 23 so that my schooling would be behind me. After that I looked forward to engagements and marriages and children and new homes. Done. Done. Done. Done. Perchance I should now create a new ‘when’, force fates hand if you will. Perhaps I should look to fill someone else’s soul, since my is good…for now (seriously, with teenagers stability can be elusive). Volunteering, mentoring, rekindling old friendships, tending to elderly neighbors. This will be the real pathway to peace and happiness ~ looking outside of yourself. More than likely, once you start on that journey what you thought you were looking for will suddenly surround you. Maybe it is already there…have you opened your eyes?
If you are in the middle of a ‘when’, you need to take steps get you to your goal. Someone once said that the difference between a dream and a goal is a plan ~ so true! But what actually happens is that people sabotage their own ‘when’ by not taking steps to get them there. The reason? What if the ‘when’ is not ‘the end’…what if you lose weight and your love-life still sucks? What if you finish your degree and you still can’t find an amazing job? What if the kids finally leave home and all you are left with is empty rooms and an even more empty marriage? It’s like we force ourselves to have these distant goals knowing that they will never arrive and knowing that this void will insulate ourselves from doing any real introspection. Instead, you create a fantasy life that will never exist knowing that you can lie to yourself about how you will get there. If you are keeping an eye on the distant future, who is minding the present? In the same was that we admonish people for dwelling on the past, we should exercise caution when eyeballing the future.
I don’t have the answer to any of this. Sure, my life is pretty remarkable right now but I know that can change in a heartbeat. I am okay right here, right now…even with no ‘when’ looming. No meditation, no psychoanalysis, no narcotics (hmm…wouldn’t rule that out, though) ~ just a pure acceptance of this life I have. Even I am pretty astounded at the thought of this. And should a ‘when’ fall into my lap when I’m not looking, you’ll be the first to know.
The other day it occurred to me that I had nothing big I was looking forward to…no ‘when’ hanging out there. My marriage is great, the three kids okee dokee, dog hasn’t yet puked on the good furniture, I’ve made peace with my stay-at-home situation, Scott’s business is taking off. I am still looking forward to small joys, like Christmas or our next vacation or paying off the mortgage. But nothing big is looming in my future. What then if there is no ‘when’?
When I was 15 I wanted to be 16 so I could drive. When I was 16 I wanted to be 18 so I could vote. When I was 18 I wanted to be 21 so I could drink. When I was 21 I wanted to be 23 so that my schooling would be behind me. After that I looked forward to engagements and marriages and children and new homes. Done. Done. Done. Done. Perchance I should now create a new ‘when’, force fates hand if you will. Perhaps I should look to fill someone else’s soul, since my is good…for now (seriously, with teenagers stability can be elusive). Volunteering, mentoring, rekindling old friendships, tending to elderly neighbors. This will be the real pathway to peace and happiness ~ looking outside of yourself. More than likely, once you start on that journey what you thought you were looking for will suddenly surround you. Maybe it is already there…have you opened your eyes?
If you are in the middle of a ‘when’, you need to take steps get you to your goal. Someone once said that the difference between a dream and a goal is a plan ~ so true! But what actually happens is that people sabotage their own ‘when’ by not taking steps to get them there. The reason? What if the ‘when’ is not ‘the end’…what if you lose weight and your love-life still sucks? What if you finish your degree and you still can’t find an amazing job? What if the kids finally leave home and all you are left with is empty rooms and an even more empty marriage? It’s like we force ourselves to have these distant goals knowing that they will never arrive and knowing that this void will insulate ourselves from doing any real introspection. Instead, you create a fantasy life that will never exist knowing that you can lie to yourself about how you will get there. If you are keeping an eye on the distant future, who is minding the present? In the same was that we admonish people for dwelling on the past, we should exercise caution when eyeballing the future.
I don’t have the answer to any of this. Sure, my life is pretty remarkable right now but I know that can change in a heartbeat. I am okay right here, right now…even with no ‘when’ looming. No meditation, no psychoanalysis, no narcotics (hmm…wouldn’t rule that out, though) ~ just a pure acceptance of this life I have. Even I am pretty astounded at the thought of this. And should a ‘when’ fall into my lap when I’m not looking, you’ll be the first to know.
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