The Gift That Truly Says It All

A few weeks ago my husband Scott and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. Our romantic history is long and complex, having started not one decade ago but actually 36 years ago. We met in 7th grade in a cooking class at our junior high school. Love at first sight? Hardly. But it was, in fact, best friendship from the very beginning. Too young for love at age 12, we instead became the best of friends.

As time passed, we eventually tip-toed around an actual romance. Still, the thought of trading in a surefire friendship for a questionable romance was more than the two of us could consider. We moved on to other relationships and eventually both got married and then divorced. We remained in contact through it all, grateful that our solid friendship sustained where other relationships had faltered and failed. Scott came to visit me in Illinois from his home in Florida 11 years ago and from the moment I saw him standing in the doorway of my suburban Chicago home, I knew for certain what had remained only uncertain in the past: We belonged together.

Within five months we were seriously dating. Within 7 months we were engaged. And within 12 months we were finally married. A lifetime of deep friendship had morphed into a love affair and we were finally in the right place, at the right time, and with the right person. It was bliss ten years ago and it is bliss today. We are the couple that some choose to hate…an opinion that we completely understand. Holding hands in the grocery store, dancing in the kitchen, and endless inside jokes are the hallmarks of our life together.

Still, as often happens with married couples, we find that so much of the time we spend together is business oriented. Not just the business that we actually run as a livelihood, but the business of marriage and parenting. You know, those deep conversations that married people have, about getting colonoscopies or which pizza place to order from or who will be picking our daughter up from ballet. Three minute conversations that are 100% practical and goal oriented. This is no way to stay connected to your life partner and ensure that the marriage continues to be rooted in friendship.

As our 10 year anniversary approached, we discussed what we would do to celebrate this big benchmark in our marriage. Maybe a cruise was in order. Or a big celebration with our extended family. Perhaps a major purchase for our household. As we talked and talked about our possibilities we both came to the same conclusion about what we wanted out of our celebration: togetherness. We just wanted extended time together in an attempt not just to keep the love alive, but to revitalize the friendship as well.

What we settled on was a good old fashioned road trip wherein we drove from our home in the Chicago area to Niagara Falls. We were gone for 7 days and tried not to drive for more than 250 miles per day. It was leisurely and lovely. We winded our way through wine country, the shoreline of Lake Erie, Amish country, the Alleghany Forest and stopped at more than a dozen McDonalds’ for coffees and Diet Cokes. And all the while we talked. And talked. And then talked a bit more. We talked about everything from where we should retire to what sort of car we should buy next to where we should go on vacation next summer. We laughed, we made up silly sayings, sang along with songs from the 1970s and adored just being near each other. Corny? Yes. But also true.

As it turns out, ten years into marriage he is still my very best friend. I knew that all along, but sometimes it just takes moments like this to be gently reminded. The very best gift we could possibly give to each other was the gift of our time and our attention. It was, in a word, priceless.