Okay, People, Let's Move This Along

My family can’t multi-task, dammit. It is driving me a little bit crazy. The other day I was stirring oatmeal on the stove with my right hand while unloading the silverware from the dishwasher with my left hand. If I had an extra hand or could manipulate my toes like a primate, I can guarantee I would be accomplishing some third mundane task as well. And try as I might, I can’t seem to get these other 4 people in this house to MOVE IT ALONG. Even Misty The Wonder Dog poops a bit slowly for my liking. Sniffing for the perfect spot to unload your business -- is this really necessary? Honestly, I don’t know what my big hurry is ~ ~ step it up so that I can get what, exactly, accomplished? Living in a house as rambunctious as our feels like shoveling snow in the midst of a blizzard. For every juice box I retrieve from the kitchen table, two more will materialize. For every 2 socks I save from Bradley’s floor, 6 more will appear. For every newspaper section I retrieve from….oh, wait….that’s me, the newspaper reader. But you get my point.

Scott The Amazing Husband is just about the worst, as far a slow moving goes. He is laid back, nearly to a fault. It’s funny, what I just adored about him as we were dating -- easygoing, even tempered, punctilious -- is driving me just nutty about right now. Come on, buddy, get a little fire in your belly! Must it take 3 minutes to back the car out of the driveway? Move it, move it, move it! The more I bitch, the more he intentionally begins to act like a two toed sloth walking uphill backwards while blindfolded. This sort of passive aggressive behavior amuses only him. Needles to say, he absolutely can not multi-task. If I ask him a series of question…”Hey, how about chicken for dinner? And ya wanna watch that Bruce Willis movie tonight? Oh, did you get the mail yet?”…his response is a predictable “Uh huh”. Excuse me?! Uh Huh to WHAT? So I have to back up, slowly enunciate each question and patiently await his slow and deliberate response. I…..am….Scott…responding… so…..very….slowly…until…I….drive…you…insane.
Good grief, by the time all syllables leave his slow motion lips I could care less about the damn chicken and I am out the door to get the mail myself.

They did some sort of multi-tasking study awhile back and the results seems to show that doing many things at once does not expedite all tasks, but actually takes more time overall. Poppycock. I don’t buy it. Maybe this scenario works if both tasks are complex, but in my Stay At Home Mom world, many tasks are just simply banal and repetitive. Laundry….every day. Cooking…three times a day. Pick up miscellaneous junk in every room of the house…daily. Drive people here, there and everywhere…all the time. So if I can do more than one thing at once, why wouldn’t I? Ya know, I am not exactly doing brain surgery in this house ~ more like brain draining. I just try to keep these dawdling single-taskers dressed, fed and healthy. Oh, and happy too. I didn’t mention that? Really? Yes, that is at the top of the list ~ happy, happy, joy, joy. Even if it means pouring bowls of cereal while calling my Mother on the phone while picking up Polly Pockets with my oh so limber toes.