I Want My Own Life

Who was it that that opined, "I vant to be alone?". Garbo, right? Greta Garbo. She certainly had the right idea. I, too, just want to be alone. Don't get me wrong, I really do love me family. Immediate family, extended family, even the family dog. But being pulled in so many directions at the same time is really and sincerely wearing on me. When they want me...kids, husband, mother, the aforementioned dog...no one else will do. They need ME. I knew this going into marriage and parenthood and probably at my core I am happy to be so integral to everyone's life. But still -- if I am consumed to taking care of the world, who is taking care of me? In the last week or so the members of my family are getting sick one by one by one. Nothing life threatening, just some sort of chest cold, head cold, sinus infection deal. the sort of early fall illness that reminds you here in the Chicago area of who we dread 50% of our seasons. They lay on the couch and bark out orders for orange juice or magic meds. Clutching a box of tissue in one hand and an empty juice glass in the other, you can't help but cater to their pathetic needs. It's just what a Mommy does.

I glared at Bradley yesterday, taking a sick day from Larkin High School, and mused, "Now, who will take care me when I fall ill??". Because he was desperate for juice and a bit loopy from cold meds he claimed that the family would all rally 'round me. PUHLEASE! When I was pregnant with Paige and ordered to bed-rest, that didn't even seem to happen. I know they have the best of intentions, but everything still falls to Mom. Scott in particular is an amazing husband who would do literally ANYTHING that I want. But what I truly want is for him to read my mind and know instinctivly what I need. No one has to tell ME how to take care of THEM. Ya know?

When we moved into our new 2-story house 5 years ago the kids were amazed by the magic chute. Throw dirty clothes down there and VOILA...48 hours later crisp, clean clothing tucked into your dresser. DAMN IT, I NEED A MAGIC CHUTE! I can't tell you how many times I have pleaded to get a wife of my own! And when Scott and I bicker, nothing even bordering on divorce talk, I warn him, "Oh no you don't, mister! You are not leaving me alone with these kids...this house...the puking dog. You just buck up and we're gonna get this on track". And we do, we always do. That is what marriage and a partnership is all about.

So as I awaken this morning, my own throat scratchy, head foggy, a tickle lingering in the back of my throat I will do what I have always done -- just take care of myself. Just after I take this little nap...