Oprah says we should “Live Our Best Life” and this mantra can be found on all things Oprah ~ magazine, satellite radio program, daytime television show, feminine product line. Wait…she has not hit that market yet. Stay tuned. Anyhoo, she and her cult are likely on to something. It really should not take a multi-gazillionaire mogul to chant this to you, but while we are listening to her we may as well take heed.
I have always thought it peculiar that people always treat others better than they treat themselves. Still, I am as guilty of this offense as the next mom/wife/employee/neighbor. We give this fabulous advice to our kids or sisters or PTA cohorts, yet fail to follow this same advice as it applies to our own lives. Why is that? It seems we can chastise Sally to dump her unemployed boyfriend or support Mandy in her pursuit of an interior design career, while our own relationships collapse around us and we continue to toil away at a career that at this point is nothing more than a paycheck….and a crappy one at that. It is time, My Friends, to become your own best friend! Not in a creepy, never-leaving-the-basement, self-absorbed kind of way. But in the way that allows you to treat yourself kindly, to forgive your own human sins, or to coax yourself out of a less than ideal circumstance.
Have you ever sincerely examined the real issues of your life and wondered what a true friend would say to you? She (or he) would never call you a fat loser pig for indulging in some raw cookie dough. Still, this is our own self-dialogue. A real pal would never tell you that you are too imperfect to apply for that management position within your company. Yet, “Loser, Underachiever, Slacker” repeats through your head like an evil twin every time you think of making that long trek to the Human Resources Department to examine this amazing possibility. Would you ever in a million years say those same belittling things to someone you truly cared for? No….and neither would I. If you are engaging in this destructive behavior, stop it this minute. I mean it…done….finished! Just as I am hollering this loving advice to you, I will listen to it myself.
I am not perfect, my husband is not perfect and my kids are not perfect. Hell, the world is not perfect -- just ask the mother of a slain child or a sexual assault victim or someone losing their precious home to foreclosure. The key is to deal with the circumstance you have been presented with and be kind to yourself as you work through it to the best of your ability. Patience, too, will be key.
Yep - Live Your Best Life, just as the Big O says. And start that journey with the kindness you always reserve for others and heap it upon yourself. Believe me, you can never have too many BFFs ~ ~ even if the biggest, bestest one is looking right back at you in the mirror.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Life Is Too Short
2009.…so this is it? Not bad so far. As always, I am a bit behind the curve on this whole “New Years Resolution” deal. But I have given the concept great thought this time around and things will really change this year. Not just because Barack Obama will be taking office (can I hear an “AMEN”??) or that Kayla will be leaving the nest this summer or that economy will continue to keep all of us on edge. Yes, those things are sure to be in the 2009 cocktail of our life, but the real change has come from a shifting of our collective mindset and the way we are viewing our currently unstable world.
To that end, there is no New Years Resolution list. In it’s place, here is my “Life Is Too Short To…” list.
Life is too short…To not really get to know your neighbors and make them a substantial part of your life. These are the people that will grow old with you, that will notice if you have not picked up your newspaper, that will watch over your house as you head to your father’s funeral, that will cut your lawn should you fall ill. To not make the very best of these relationships is downright foolish.
Life is too short…To carry around regret. Regret is a wasted emotion that benefits no one and taints past memories. For the most part, people do the very best they can given the circumstances of that moment in their life. Be nice to yourself and move on.
Life is too short…
To hold onto anger. The person you are cursing, that did you wrong, that hurt your feelings or stepped on your toes has moved on with their life. Do you really think that they give you a second thought? Your anger does not affect their day-to-day movements and only acts like a weight around your own soul. Let it go. You do not need to even make peace with the other person or let them know that you have chosen to put the past behind you. Make it a silent gift to yourself.
Life is too short…
To ignore a teachable moment with your children. When your kids ask you a question, give them a real answer in place of a quick or easy answer. This applies not only to your preschooler or third grader, but will prove to be just as important to you teenager or young adult. Take a deep breath, take your time and really explain why Grandpa died or why we can’t afford the latest cell phone this time around or why underage drinking is a poor personal choice. If you give a comprehensive, real answer the first time you are asked you are also less likely to field similar questions in the near future.
Life is too short…To put your marriage on the back burner. Scott & I go away (just the two of us!) about 3 or four times a year. Usually it is just to a nice hotel or resort within a few hours drive from our house. Once there, we may explore the town, go bowling, head to a museum or just stay put in the hotel for 3 full days. People always ask why we do this or what exactly we are doing on these excursions. Obviously, there is a bit of passion that we indulge in (seriously, what is better than hotel sex?!), but mostly we do a whole lot of talking. Not the kind of chit chat we have at home over dinner, or the drive-by conversations we have as one of us is rushing out the door. Those talks are primarily business in nature…”Did you pick up Bradley’s medication?”, “Don’t forget ballet class is tonight”, “Your brother called last night” or “We’re out of toilet paper”. No, these weekend talks are long, drawn out real conversations. We’ll sit at a bistro and talk endlessly about where we want to go on our next vacation. We’ll walk along the beach, holding hands, dreaming together about the boat we want to buy. We’ll lay in bed, reminiscing about all the goofiness from our childhood. Or we will drive around some small town, wondering aloud why someone would chose to live in this particular TinyTown, USA, especially when there is no McDonalds, Walgreens or Starbucks within 100 miles. It is a blessed few days that sustains us and keeps us endlessly connected. I highly recommend just such a weekend for you and your special someone.
To that end, there is no New Years Resolution list. In it’s place, here is my “Life Is Too Short To…” list.
Life is too short…To not really get to know your neighbors and make them a substantial part of your life. These are the people that will grow old with you, that will notice if you have not picked up your newspaper, that will watch over your house as you head to your father’s funeral, that will cut your lawn should you fall ill. To not make the very best of these relationships is downright foolish.
Life is too short…To carry around regret. Regret is a wasted emotion that benefits no one and taints past memories. For the most part, people do the very best they can given the circumstances of that moment in their life. Be nice to yourself and move on.
Life is too short…
To hold onto anger. The person you are cursing, that did you wrong, that hurt your feelings or stepped on your toes has moved on with their life. Do you really think that they give you a second thought? Your anger does not affect their day-to-day movements and only acts like a weight around your own soul. Let it go. You do not need to even make peace with the other person or let them know that you have chosen to put the past behind you. Make it a silent gift to yourself.
Life is too short…
To ignore a teachable moment with your children. When your kids ask you a question, give them a real answer in place of a quick or easy answer. This applies not only to your preschooler or third grader, but will prove to be just as important to you teenager or young adult. Take a deep breath, take your time and really explain why Grandpa died or why we can’t afford the latest cell phone this time around or why underage drinking is a poor personal choice. If you give a comprehensive, real answer the first time you are asked you are also less likely to field similar questions in the near future.
Life is too short…To put your marriage on the back burner. Scott & I go away (just the two of us!) about 3 or four times a year. Usually it is just to a nice hotel or resort within a few hours drive from our house. Once there, we may explore the town, go bowling, head to a museum or just stay put in the hotel for 3 full days. People always ask why we do this or what exactly we are doing on these excursions. Obviously, there is a bit of passion that we indulge in (seriously, what is better than hotel sex?!), but mostly we do a whole lot of talking. Not the kind of chit chat we have at home over dinner, or the drive-by conversations we have as one of us is rushing out the door. Those talks are primarily business in nature…”Did you pick up Bradley’s medication?”, “Don’t forget ballet class is tonight”, “Your brother called last night” or “We’re out of toilet paper”. No, these weekend talks are long, drawn out real conversations. We’ll sit at a bistro and talk endlessly about where we want to go on our next vacation. We’ll walk along the beach, holding hands, dreaming together about the boat we want to buy. We’ll lay in bed, reminiscing about all the goofiness from our childhood. Or we will drive around some small town, wondering aloud why someone would chose to live in this particular TinyTown, USA, especially when there is no McDonalds, Walgreens or Starbucks within 100 miles. It is a blessed few days that sustains us and keeps us endlessly connected. I highly recommend just such a weekend for you and your special someone.
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